If you think that there is more and more advertising than ever today on television you are probably right. Advertising is coming at you more often than ever on television and in new and sometimes unethical ways. Here are some of the trends I have noticed:
Extra Commercials: I first noticed this change a few months ago when two of the shows I watch regularly changed the length of their segments. Both Fast Money and Mad Money are 60 minute shows on CNBC. Each used to go to commercial only once between the 45 minute mark and the end of the show at the bottom of the hour. Then a few months back they both starting splitting that last 12-13 minute segment into two segments 5-6 minutes long. This allowed them to sneak in an extra 2-3 minutes of advertising.
At first I thought this was simply a sign that they were able to sell some extra advertising space but I have since come to the conclusion that this move is more likely motivated by greed. They are just trying to cram more and more commercials into their time slot. It's one thing if a show is successful and is able to sell more advertising space. It's quite another to dramatically change the flow and content of the show for the sake of the all mighty dollar.
Coming Back From A Commercial To Go To A Commercial: Both Fast Money and Mad Money occasionally employ the most evil of all advertising tactics. They come back from a commercial to go to a commercial. This happened most recently yesterday on Fast Money at about 5:51pm ET. They came back from 3 minutes of commercials, talked for about 15 seconds, and then went to 3 more minutes of commercials.
Between the extra advertising segment and the coming back from commercial to go to a commercial, my opinion of both Fast Money and Mad Money has gone way down. In fact, I regularly switch the channel to ESPN to watch PTI when that first commercial break happens at 45 past the hour. There is so little actual content and commentary from that point to the bottom of the hour that I am not really missing anything. They want their viewers to sit there through those extra ads but I refuse to do so.
Product Placement: Product placement is nothing new in the world of television. An occasional can of Coke here or an Apple logo there is no big deal in my opinion. Unfortunately product placement has gotten totally out of hand. The best example of this recently was the How I Met Your Mother (which isn't even about how Ted met his wife anymore) episode on 10/11/2010. They should have just retitled the show "How I Met Microsoft" that night. The number of product placements Microsoft had in this 22 minute show was incredulous. I am not going to quantify them as it's already been done. Check it out! The bottom line is that it was extremely egregious.
Cutting Out Content: This is the newest and most disturbing trend I have seen. Some networks are now editing classic shows and reducing their running length so they can cram in more ads. One of my favorite shows growing up was The Wonder Years. There was no mistaking when it came on the air as the Joe Cocker cover of The Beatles "With A Little Help From My Friends" was always played at the top of the show. The Wonder Years is now on The Hub on weekday evenings, but it's theme song is often left on the cutting room floor. In addition, The Hub seems to edit out some of the content of the actual show as well. Quite often the show will suddenly go to commercial in the middle of a scene and when it comes back from commercial it is in the middle of a new, unrelated scene.
Mood: Enraged.
Song of the Day:
"What would you do if I sang out of tune, would you stand up and walk out on me."
-With A Little Help From My Friends
Joe Cocker
Showing posts with label Random Rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Random Rant. Show all posts
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Radio Ga-Ga
I listen to music a lot as background noise at home and at the office. I have periods of time when I will use my iPod almost exclusively, other times when I only listen to the radio, and sometimes I even get out my cassettes and throw them on and listen to them for weeks on end. Whenever I get into a music rut I switch it up and switch from one music medium to another.
Lately I have been on a radio kick. I generally have 3 stations I listen to. A pop station, a modern country station, and a classic rock station. A few years ago it was all the rage to have "no repeat workdays" so you could listen to a station all day long and never hear the same song twice. Those days are long gone so repeat songs are a pretty common occurrence on the air waves these days. I would expect that on the pop station and the modern country station as they are both concentrating on playing the songs in their music genre that are popular right now, but it is even true on the classic rock station.
That really threw me for a loop. It seems to me that the point of a classic rock station is that they can literally choose from thousands of songs over the past 40-some years to play. As a result they should have a pretty eclectic play list. But this in fact is not true at all on BIG 100.3, the classic rock station in the DC metro area. They play the same songs over and over and over.
The song that really opened my eyes to this is "Me & Bobby McGee" by Janis Joplin. This is, in my opinion, one of the worst songs of all time and BIG 100.3 seems to play it every friggin' day of the week. At first I simply turned the station every time this song came on, but eventually I started keeping track of how often it was played.
Over time, I actually built up a nice list of songs they have in heavy rotation and then took it a step further and kept track for 2 weeks of how many times I heard these songs. This is a completely unscientific survey on my part. I didn't listen to the radio 24 hours a day. I didn't look at the recently played list on their website. If the radio was on and I heard a song on my list I wrote it down. The big winner was...actually it was a tie.
I heard two different songs a total of 8 times in the two weeks I kept track: "More Than A Feeling" by Boston [which is playing right now as I edit this post] and "Blinded By The Light" by Manfred Mann's Earth Band. Officially, I am giving the Radio Ga-Ga Title to Blinded By The Light because I actually heard that song twice on the very last day of my music survey. I can only imagine how many other times they played these two songs while I was playing Pac-Man, asleep, watching TV, or out of the house. I would imagine the real play counts for both these songs truly are about once per day.
There was also a tie for 3rd place among six songs that I heard 6 times each over the survey period: "Crazy on You" by Heart, "Radar Love" by Golden Earring, "Owner Of A Lonely Heart" by Yes, "Magic Man" by Heart, "What's Your Name" by Lynyrd Skynyrd, and "Second Hand News" by Fleetwood Mac.
The song that started it all "Me & Bobby MeGee" finished in a tie for 9th place as I heard it only 5 times over the two week period. There were five other songs that finished tied with it in 9th place: "Roundabout" by Yes, "We're An American Band" by Grand Funk Railroad, "Do It Again" by Steely Dan, "(Don't Fear) The Reaper" by Blue Oyster Cult, and "Reelin' In The Years" by Steely Dan.
The moral of the story is if you truly want music variety you apparently have to use the shuffle play on your iPod. You won't get it on today's modern radio station, no matter what genre of music they play.
Mood: Surprised.
Song of the Day:
"Some silicon sister with a manager mister told me I got what it takes"
-Blinded By The Light
Manfred Mann's Earth Band
Movie Quote of the Day:
"This is the cleanest and nicest police car I've ever been in in my life. This thing's nice than my apartment."
-Beverly Hills Cop
Lately I have been on a radio kick. I generally have 3 stations I listen to. A pop station, a modern country station, and a classic rock station. A few years ago it was all the rage to have "no repeat workdays" so you could listen to a station all day long and never hear the same song twice. Those days are long gone so repeat songs are a pretty common occurrence on the air waves these days. I would expect that on the pop station and the modern country station as they are both concentrating on playing the songs in their music genre that are popular right now, but it is even true on the classic rock station.
That really threw me for a loop. It seems to me that the point of a classic rock station is that they can literally choose from thousands of songs over the past 40-some years to play. As a result they should have a pretty eclectic play list. But this in fact is not true at all on BIG 100.3, the classic rock station in the DC metro area. They play the same songs over and over and over.
The song that really opened my eyes to this is "Me & Bobby McGee" by Janis Joplin. This is, in my opinion, one of the worst songs of all time and BIG 100.3 seems to play it every friggin' day of the week. At first I simply turned the station every time this song came on, but eventually I started keeping track of how often it was played.
Over time, I actually built up a nice list of songs they have in heavy rotation and then took it a step further and kept track for 2 weeks of how many times I heard these songs. This is a completely unscientific survey on my part. I didn't listen to the radio 24 hours a day. I didn't look at the recently played list on their website. If the radio was on and I heard a song on my list I wrote it down. The big winner was...actually it was a tie.
I heard two different songs a total of 8 times in the two weeks I kept track: "More Than A Feeling" by Boston [which is playing right now as I edit this post] and "Blinded By The Light" by Manfred Mann's Earth Band. Officially, I am giving the Radio Ga-Ga Title to Blinded By The Light because I actually heard that song twice on the very last day of my music survey. I can only imagine how many other times they played these two songs while I was playing Pac-Man, asleep, watching TV, or out of the house. I would imagine the real play counts for both these songs truly are about once per day.
There was also a tie for 3rd place among six songs that I heard 6 times each over the survey period: "Crazy on You" by Heart, "Radar Love" by Golden Earring, "Owner Of A Lonely Heart" by Yes, "Magic Man" by Heart, "What's Your Name" by Lynyrd Skynyrd, and "Second Hand News" by Fleetwood Mac.
The song that started it all "Me & Bobby MeGee" finished in a tie for 9th place as I heard it only 5 times over the two week period. There were five other songs that finished tied with it in 9th place: "Roundabout" by Yes, "We're An American Band" by Grand Funk Railroad, "Do It Again" by Steely Dan, "(Don't Fear) The Reaper" by Blue Oyster Cult, and "Reelin' In The Years" by Steely Dan.
The moral of the story is if you truly want music variety you apparently have to use the shuffle play on your iPod. You won't get it on today's modern radio station, no matter what genre of music they play.
Mood: Surprised.
Song of the Day:
"Some silicon sister with a manager mister told me I got what it takes"
-Blinded By The Light
Manfred Mann's Earth Band
Movie Quote of the Day:
"This is the cleanest and nicest police car I've ever been in in my life. This thing's nice than my apartment."
-Beverly Hills Cop
Monday, March 22, 2010
The Punch
By now you have probably heard or seen the sucker punch that Baylor women's basketball player Brittney Griner dished out to Texas Tech player Jordan Barncastle in a game on March 3rd. Everyone in the world has said repeatedly that there is no room for what she did in the game of college basketball blah, blah, blah. The problem is that no one at any level of authority is backing that statement up.
Baylor University suspended Griner for 2 games for the incident. Well, really they suspended her for 1 game. The NCAA has a mandatory 1 game suspension for behavior like this and Baylor tacked on 1 additional game. Neither the The Big 12 Conference or the NCAA tacked on any additional penalty to the one self imposed by Baylor University. Are you friggin' kidding me?
The university is supposed to come up with a fair and just punishment that takes into consideration the seriousness of the violation committed - Griner broke Barncastle's nose with the punch. Frankly, I think that Brittney Griner should be banned from the sport of women's college basketball for the rest of the 2009-10 season, maybe even for life.
For comparison, two other recent athletic suspensions have also caught my eye. Vermont suspended men's hockey player Justin Milo for the rest of the season on February 16, 2010. At the time he was the second leading scorer on the team with 21 points in 20 games played. He didn't commit an on ice incident, head coach Kevin Sneddon decided: "It was in the best interests of our program and (we) will move forward without him." The Catamounts dismissed one of their top players while fighting for their Hockey East and NCAA playoff lives.
The other recent suspension comes from my alma mater, the University of Maine. They recently suspended their starting men's hockey goaltender Scott Darling "indefinitely after violating team rules." Darling had a 15-6-3 record and the team's other two goalies were 1-9-0 at the time of the suspension. This was the third time that Darling has been suspended in his 2 years at Maine. It is suspected that the violation is related to alcohol but there is no official proof. Maine suspended Darling the weekend before the Hockey East playoffs began.
So one of the best players in women's college basketball punches an opponent in a game and gets a mere 2 game suspension while two equally crucial men's hockey players were both suspended indefinitely by their team for incidents that didn't even occur on the ice. Did Brittney Griner get special treatment because she is one of the up and coming stars in the world of women's college basketball? It sure looks that way.
Mood: Ashamed.
It's Ironic:
That St. Louis University is a member of the Atlantic 10 Conference since it is located 929 miles from the Atlantic Ocean.
Movie Quote of the Day:
"Why worry, each of us is wearing an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on our backs." - Ghostbusters
Baylor University suspended Griner for 2 games for the incident. Well, really they suspended her for 1 game. The NCAA has a mandatory 1 game suspension for behavior like this and Baylor tacked on 1 additional game. Neither the The Big 12 Conference or the NCAA tacked on any additional penalty to the one self imposed by Baylor University. Are you friggin' kidding me?
The university is supposed to come up with a fair and just punishment that takes into consideration the seriousness of the violation committed - Griner broke Barncastle's nose with the punch. Frankly, I think that Brittney Griner should be banned from the sport of women's college basketball for the rest of the 2009-10 season, maybe even for life.
For comparison, two other recent athletic suspensions have also caught my eye. Vermont suspended men's hockey player Justin Milo for the rest of the season on February 16, 2010. At the time he was the second leading scorer on the team with 21 points in 20 games played. He didn't commit an on ice incident, head coach Kevin Sneddon decided: "It was in the best interests of our program and (we) will move forward without him." The Catamounts dismissed one of their top players while fighting for their Hockey East and NCAA playoff lives.
The other recent suspension comes from my alma mater, the University of Maine. They recently suspended their starting men's hockey goaltender Scott Darling "indefinitely after violating team rules." Darling had a 15-6-3 record and the team's other two goalies were 1-9-0 at the time of the suspension. This was the third time that Darling has been suspended in his 2 years at Maine. It is suspected that the violation is related to alcohol but there is no official proof. Maine suspended Darling the weekend before the Hockey East playoffs began.
So one of the best players in women's college basketball punches an opponent in a game and gets a mere 2 game suspension while two equally crucial men's hockey players were both suspended indefinitely by their team for incidents that didn't even occur on the ice. Did Brittney Griner get special treatment because she is one of the up and coming stars in the world of women's college basketball? It sure looks that way.
Mood: Ashamed.
It's Ironic:
That St. Louis University is a member of the Atlantic 10 Conference since it is located 929 miles from the Atlantic Ocean.
Movie Quote of the Day:
"Why worry, each of us is wearing an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on our backs." - Ghostbusters
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Feeling Lucky, Punk?
Only a little more than two full years until the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the USS Titanic in the Atlantic Ocean. You better start planning how to commemorate this event now if you haven't already.
What better way to remember this historical tragedy than by hopping on a boat on a cruise from say, England to New York? Yes, it's the Titanic Memorial Cruise by the British travel firm Miles Morgan Travel. You and a few thousand other random people can pile onto the luxury ocean liner MS Balmoral in Southhampton, England for 12 days of adventure on the high seas.
You may want to hurry if you are interested in taking part as 12 of the 21 cabin types have wait lists and another 5 have limited availability according to their website. Right now the lowest priced cabin is about $4,324 US Dollars. I say about because the price is actually in British Pounds on the website. Thank god for online currency converters.
I am glad that there are so many people willing to tempt fate and hit the high seas 100 years to the week that the Titanic sunk to the bottom of the North Atlantic. This just sounds like a recipe for disaster to me. There is no way in hell I would go on this trip, not even if you paid me. I don't even want to speak the word Titanic the whole month of April 2012. Have fun for me and make sure to bring your life jacket!
Mood: Horrified
Movie Quote of the Day:
"Boy, this is a mother dictionary." - Say Anything
What better way to remember this historical tragedy than by hopping on a boat on a cruise from say, England to New York? Yes, it's the Titanic Memorial Cruise by the British travel firm Miles Morgan Travel. You and a few thousand other random people can pile onto the luxury ocean liner MS Balmoral in Southhampton, England for 12 days of adventure on the high seas.
You may want to hurry if you are interested in taking part as 12 of the 21 cabin types have wait lists and another 5 have limited availability according to their website. Right now the lowest priced cabin is about $4,324 US Dollars. I say about because the price is actually in British Pounds on the website. Thank god for online currency converters.
I am glad that there are so many people willing to tempt fate and hit the high seas 100 years to the week that the Titanic sunk to the bottom of the North Atlantic. This just sounds like a recipe for disaster to me. There is no way in hell I would go on this trip, not even if you paid me. I don't even want to speak the word Titanic the whole month of April 2012. Have fun for me and make sure to bring your life jacket!
Mood: Horrified
Movie Quote of the Day:
"Boy, this is a mother dictionary." - Say Anything
Friday, November 20, 2009
If It Ain't Broke...
You know the rest of that saying, I know you do. Your parents probably used it almost as much as "were you raised in a barn?" or perhaps "I'm glad you aren't my kid, you stupid imbecilic retard." OK, that is actually a line from the movie One Crazy Summer.
Anyway, every now and then a company takes what is by all accounts a wonderful product and "improves" it but the end result is that it gets fucked up all to hell. The best example of this endeavor is the 1985 introduction of, drum roll please, New Coke.
One of my favorite childhood treats and something I still seek out to this day when I am back in New England are Necco Wafers. For those unfamiliar, Necco stands for New England Confectionary Company and they are based in Revere, Massachusetts. Necco has been making Necco Wafers since 1847. They come in rolls with 8 assorted flavors. They have standard flavors like lemon, lime, chocolate and orange but also very unique flavors of clove, wintergreen, cinnamon and licorice. Just popping one in my mouth instantly takes me back to days of yore.
Well, it used to but not anymore. Necco has suddenly "updated" Necco Wafers in 2009 after 162 years of continuous sales success. Translation: "they have fucked them all to hell." Their website brags of making the candy out of all natural flavors and blah, blah, blah. That is all well and good but they suddenly taste like shit. No, I take that back, they taste like the shit that eats shit.
If I get really ambitious I may email the company to let them know they fucked this one up. A quick search of the web reveals there are lots of longtime Necco Wafer fans just as pissed off as I am. I wonder if their management team used to work for Coke in the mid-1980s?
Mood: Violated
Song Of The Day:
"I love you like a fat kid love cake."
-21 Questions
50 Cent
Anyway, every now and then a company takes what is by all accounts a wonderful product and "improves" it but the end result is that it gets fucked up all to hell. The best example of this endeavor is the 1985 introduction of, drum roll please, New Coke.
One of my favorite childhood treats and something I still seek out to this day when I am back in New England are Necco Wafers. For those unfamiliar, Necco stands for New England Confectionary Company and they are based in Revere, Massachusetts. Necco has been making Necco Wafers since 1847. They come in rolls with 8 assorted flavors. They have standard flavors like lemon, lime, chocolate and orange but also very unique flavors of clove, wintergreen, cinnamon and licorice. Just popping one in my mouth instantly takes me back to days of yore.
Well, it used to but not anymore. Necco has suddenly "updated" Necco Wafers in 2009 after 162 years of continuous sales success. Translation: "they have fucked them all to hell." Their website brags of making the candy out of all natural flavors and blah, blah, blah. That is all well and good but they suddenly taste like shit. No, I take that back, they taste like the shit that eats shit.
If I get really ambitious I may email the company to let them know they fucked this one up. A quick search of the web reveals there are lots of longtime Necco Wafer fans just as pissed off as I am. I wonder if their management team used to work for Coke in the mid-1980s?
Mood: Violated
Song Of The Day:
"I love you like a fat kid love cake."
-21 Questions
50 Cent
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Money Honeys
Are you familiar with the term Money Honeys? If your not here's the Urban Dictionary definition for the term: "Any hot female television news reporter that covers the business and finance world." The world of finance is my bread and butter so I know a thing or two about money honeys. There are oodles of websites devoted to the following and maybe even stalking of money honeys like Erin Burnett and my girl Becky Quick.
The problem with the money honeys is that they have no actual business or finance credentials. They are just pretty faces with degrees in broadcasting who can read a teleprompter. Don't get me wrong, if Erin Burnett rang my doorbell tomorrow and asked me to move to a tropical island with her you would NEVER hear from me again. EVER. That being said there are some actual money honeys who don't get as much coverage on the blogosphere but have the credentials to go along with their looks. Here are my top three:
Liz Ann Sonders - I have been in love with Liz Ann Sonders for nearly a decade since I first saw her on Wall $treet Week With Louis Rukeyser. Liz Ann knows her stuff and has the degrees and Wall Street credentials to prove it. You don't become the Chief Investment Strategist for Charles Schwab & Co. because you have a pretty face.
Danielle Hughes - Danielle is one of the few women on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange trading with all the boys in the pit day in and day out. She has worked her way up the Wall Street ladder from sales associate to CEO. She now runs her own financial services firm, Divine Capital Markets. Oh yeah, and she's smoking hot. Rich, smart and hot - what's not to love there?
Michelle Meyer - Michelle is an economic analyst with the firm Barclays Capital. Another female in a predominantly male job title. I haven't been able to locate her biography but I have heard her speak enough to know she is the real deal.
I will give honorable mention to Michelle Caruso Cabrera. Not because she has the credentials to back up her looks but because she has a porn twin. Michelle's porn twin is named Alaura Eden. They look so much alike that they could be twin sisters! I imagine millions of men in America would love to see Michelle naked and thanks to Alaura Eden they can.
Mood: Reflexive
Failed Advertising Slogan Of The Day:
"Wegmans - So Big You Can't Find Anything."
The problem with the money honeys is that they have no actual business or finance credentials. They are just pretty faces with degrees in broadcasting who can read a teleprompter. Don't get me wrong, if Erin Burnett rang my doorbell tomorrow and asked me to move to a tropical island with her you would NEVER hear from me again. EVER. That being said there are some actual money honeys who don't get as much coverage on the blogosphere but have the credentials to go along with their looks. Here are my top three:
Liz Ann Sonders - I have been in love with Liz Ann Sonders for nearly a decade since I first saw her on Wall $treet Week With Louis Rukeyser. Liz Ann knows her stuff and has the degrees and Wall Street credentials to prove it. You don't become the Chief Investment Strategist for Charles Schwab & Co. because you have a pretty face.
Danielle Hughes - Danielle is one of the few women on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange trading with all the boys in the pit day in and day out. She has worked her way up the Wall Street ladder from sales associate to CEO. She now runs her own financial services firm, Divine Capital Markets. Oh yeah, and she's smoking hot. Rich, smart and hot - what's not to love there?
Michelle Meyer - Michelle is an economic analyst with the firm Barclays Capital. Another female in a predominantly male job title. I haven't been able to locate her biography but I have heard her speak enough to know she is the real deal.
I will give honorable mention to Michelle Caruso Cabrera. Not because she has the credentials to back up her looks but because she has a porn twin. Michelle's porn twin is named Alaura Eden. They look so much alike that they could be twin sisters! I imagine millions of men in America would love to see Michelle naked and thanks to Alaura Eden they can.
Mood: Reflexive
Failed Advertising Slogan Of The Day:
"Wegmans - So Big You Can't Find Anything."
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Traitor Johnny
OK,this one goes out to Ian Browne and the countless other sports reporters who don't understand why die hard Red Sox fans like myself still ABSOLUTELY DESPISE Johnny Damon three and a half years after he left the Sox to sign with the Yankees.
Ian, it is extremely simple. The reason we hate Damon so much is because he lied to us. Early in the 2005 season Damon was asked point blank if he would ever consider signing with the Yankees when he became a free agent. His response was this and I quote: "No way." Even though he said "they (the Yankees) were gonna come after (him) hard." He said he could never play for the Yankees after playing for the Sox.
Less thank six months after making this absolutely concrete statement Damon signed a four year contract with the Yankees. Red Sox Nation waited 86 years for our 6th World Series title. It's citizens are not going to forget a promise like that in a mere six months. Obviously there is a statute of limitations on a quote like that but it is certainly significantly longer than six months.
If Damon simply owned up to his betrayal the fans of Red Sox Nation would have let him off the hook. We understand that baseball is a business and that Damon went to the team that was willing to pay him the most money. Our anger doesn't come from the act of signing with the Evil Empire but the promise Damon made to us that he would NEVER do such a thing.
Anyone who doesn't get this is clearly NOT a member of Red Sox Nation. This isn't a complex issue, it's an issue of loyalty and a broken promise. We took Damon at his word and it was our mistake but we certainly will not make that mistake again. Now we live to make every at bat and half inning in the outfield a miserable experience for Traitor Johnny.
Mood: Hysterical.
Found Porn:
There's a town in Missouri called Knob Lick, it's right off US Route 67. The only way this could be better is if it was near Route 69 instead!
Song of the Day:
"Swing Batta Batta Batta Batta Batta Swing."
-Come Baby Come
K-7
Ian, it is extremely simple. The reason we hate Damon so much is because he lied to us. Early in the 2005 season Damon was asked point blank if he would ever consider signing with the Yankees when he became a free agent. His response was this and I quote: "No way." Even though he said "they (the Yankees) were gonna come after (him) hard." He said he could never play for the Yankees after playing for the Sox.
Less thank six months after making this absolutely concrete statement Damon signed a four year contract with the Yankees. Red Sox Nation waited 86 years for our 6th World Series title. It's citizens are not going to forget a promise like that in a mere six months. Obviously there is a statute of limitations on a quote like that but it is certainly significantly longer than six months.
If Damon simply owned up to his betrayal the fans of Red Sox Nation would have let him off the hook. We understand that baseball is a business and that Damon went to the team that was willing to pay him the most money. Our anger doesn't come from the act of signing with the Evil Empire but the promise Damon made to us that he would NEVER do such a thing.
Anyone who doesn't get this is clearly NOT a member of Red Sox Nation. This isn't a complex issue, it's an issue of loyalty and a broken promise. We took Damon at his word and it was our mistake but we certainly will not make that mistake again. Now we live to make every at bat and half inning in the outfield a miserable experience for Traitor Johnny.
Mood: Hysterical.
Found Porn:
There's a town in Missouri called Knob Lick, it's right off US Route 67. The only way this could be better is if it was near Route 69 instead!
Song of the Day:
"Swing Batta Batta Batta Batta Batta Swing."
-Come Baby Come
K-7
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Going Postal
It has been all over the news the last few weeks that the United States Postal Service, USPS from here on out, was raising rates effective Monday, May 11, 2009. They did a nice job getting the word out on TV, radio and the Internet. I actually thought it was nice that USPS waited until after Mother's Day to raise rates. They usually raise rates this time of year and very easily could have done so on May 1st but they waited.
I happened to be out of stamps on the 11th so I took a drive to my local USPS office to stock up on the new denominations. The cost of a one ounce, first class stamp went from 42 cents to 44 cents. Still a pretty good bargain in my opinion. I can pop a letter in the mail here in Virginia and it is delivered as far away as Hawaii in two or three days for a mere 44 cents - sweet!
I went about lunchtime and the line wasn't too long and within a minute or two I was standing at the counter looking at a very nice cardboard sign displaying all the new rates. I needed 44 cent stamps and 88 cent stamps for oversized mail. (That's what she said!!!) They were both listed right on the sign as the correct postage effective that day - Monday, May 11, 2009 - but the Post Office didn't have either in stock.
Wait, What? Seems to me that the USPS has known for months that rates were going up so they should have been able to print a buttload of stamps with higher denominations for delivery to USPS locations everywhere in early May. In fact, a quick Internet search found an online newspaper story from November 2008 telling the World that Postage rates were going up in 2009. The article didn't know the new rates at the time but it shows that the USPS has been planning to raise rates for a minimum of 6 full months before it happened. That seems like plenty of time to stop printing 42 cent stamps and start printing 44 centers.
What the Post Office had instead was the Forever Stamp. They cost me 44 cents a piece but no denomination is listed on the actual stamp. So in theory you could buy a few rolls of these stamps now and use them for the rest of your life. They never expire and they will always be accepted by the Post Office. In fact, if you were smart you could have stocked up on them last year when they first came out. They only cost 41 cents then.
The other thing I needed was stamps for oversized envelopes, they are priced differently at 88 cents for the first ounce. They didn't have those either, big surprise. I settled for some 87 cent stamps. I have tons of 1 cent stamps I can use to make up the difference, no big deal. The only stamp they had in stock that I actually needed were 17 cent stamps, used for additional ounces after the first ounce. They only had these because the price stayed the same. I am sure if it had changed I would have been out of luck there too.
If this is how the USPS always acts I am now amazed that anything I put in my mailbox ever gets delivered anywhere and I certainly have a bit of an understanding for why people go postal.
Mood: Uninspired.
It's Ironic:
That Patriots Day is not listed as a holiday on my 2009 Boston Red Sox Calendar.
Failed Advertising Slogan of the Day:
"Washington Post - If you don't get it, you're retarded."
I happened to be out of stamps on the 11th so I took a drive to my local USPS office to stock up on the new denominations. The cost of a one ounce, first class stamp went from 42 cents to 44 cents. Still a pretty good bargain in my opinion. I can pop a letter in the mail here in Virginia and it is delivered as far away as Hawaii in two or three days for a mere 44 cents - sweet!
I went about lunchtime and the line wasn't too long and within a minute or two I was standing at the counter looking at a very nice cardboard sign displaying all the new rates. I needed 44 cent stamps and 88 cent stamps for oversized mail. (That's what she said!!!) They were both listed right on the sign as the correct postage effective that day - Monday, May 11, 2009 - but the Post Office didn't have either in stock.
Wait, What? Seems to me that the USPS has known for months that rates were going up so they should have been able to print a buttload of stamps with higher denominations for delivery to USPS locations everywhere in early May. In fact, a quick Internet search found an online newspaper story from November 2008 telling the World that Postage rates were going up in 2009. The article didn't know the new rates at the time but it shows that the USPS has been planning to raise rates for a minimum of 6 full months before it happened. That seems like plenty of time to stop printing 42 cent stamps and start printing 44 centers.
What the Post Office had instead was the Forever Stamp. They cost me 44 cents a piece but no denomination is listed on the actual stamp. So in theory you could buy a few rolls of these stamps now and use them for the rest of your life. They never expire and they will always be accepted by the Post Office. In fact, if you were smart you could have stocked up on them last year when they first came out. They only cost 41 cents then.
The other thing I needed was stamps for oversized envelopes, they are priced differently at 88 cents for the first ounce. They didn't have those either, big surprise. I settled for some 87 cent stamps. I have tons of 1 cent stamps I can use to make up the difference, no big deal. The only stamp they had in stock that I actually needed were 17 cent stamps, used for additional ounces after the first ounce. They only had these because the price stayed the same. I am sure if it had changed I would have been out of luck there too.
If this is how the USPS always acts I am now amazed that anything I put in my mailbox ever gets delivered anywhere and I certainly have a bit of an understanding for why people go postal.
Mood: Uninspired.
It's Ironic:
That Patriots Day is not listed as a holiday on my 2009 Boston Red Sox Calendar.
Failed Advertising Slogan of the Day:
"Washington Post - If you don't get it, you're retarded."
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
I Hate January
Boy do I hate January, boy oh boy. Not because it's winter - although that is certainly a good enough reason - not because of the end of pro football, not because there are six more long months before my birthday. I hate January because of New Year's Resolutions.
I think that New Year's Resolutions, NYR from here on out, are a bunch of crap. It really all goes back to the general lack of personal responsibility that pervades the world these days. If you notice a flaw in yourself, you get to put off dealing with it for upwards of months at a time. I say why wait until some arbitrary day to remedy it. If you notice something out of whack or an area you could improve upon, fix it on the spot.
The most annoying NYR, or at least the one that affects me the most, is the whole "I'm gonna get in shape!" NYR. Face it, if you were a fat ass in November you are going to be a fat ass in March, now get the hell out of the gym. Stop wasting your time and everyone else's - especially mine - with that pathetic, feeble attempt to get some exercise in January. Just go to the store, buy a 12 pack of cupcakes, sit down on the couch and accept it - you have a big, fat, monkey butt!
Every January, gyms across the world are crammed with oodles of people who have turned over a new leaf to get in shape. They clog up the treadmills of the world, walking slower than they could on the sidewalk, watching Survivor and I hate them all. Here are some of the things I hate most about January at the gym.
Machine Hogs:
You know you have seen them, people who stay on the treadmill, cross trainer or bench press for what seems like hours at a time. These are usually the people who are doing the least amount of exercise in the whole gym. My favorites are the fatties who come to the gym to walk on the treadmill. Instead of driving to the gym to walk, why don't you just walk around your neighborhood, it's free!
TV Watchers:
You've seen them too. Staring intently at something mundane on TV. It might be American Idol or better yet the Food Channel. They are glued to the TV but hardly put any effort towards the exercise they are doing. God forbid they apply that much attention to getting in shape. I say if you want to watch American Idol so fuckin' bad, stay the fuck home.
Phone Whores:
OMG, it's not a baby, it's a phone. Leave the damn thing at home. I used to regularly see a girl at the gym who was always on her phone while on the treadmill. She would be talking nonstop to some poor fool on the other end. I always wanted to elbow her in the face and then step on her phone once it fell to the floor. Luckily I haven't seen her in months.
Tagalongs:
Why do some people who have a friend that is working out at the gym feel compelled to go with them? Is your friend retarded? Do you think that hanging out in the corner texting your mom is going to impress the ladies? Tonight I had to ask this guy who was just sitting on various machines to move 3 times so I could get all my sets in. If Timmy needs to bring you to the gym for moral support, he should just end his life once and for all and take you with him.
Mood: Cockfuckballs!
Song of the Day:
"And every penny from my last paycheck, I've blown it on you."
- Bouncing Off the Walls
Sugarcult
I think that New Year's Resolutions, NYR from here on out, are a bunch of crap. It really all goes back to the general lack of personal responsibility that pervades the world these days. If you notice a flaw in yourself, you get to put off dealing with it for upwards of months at a time. I say why wait until some arbitrary day to remedy it. If you notice something out of whack or an area you could improve upon, fix it on the spot.
The most annoying NYR, or at least the one that affects me the most, is the whole "I'm gonna get in shape!" NYR. Face it, if you were a fat ass in November you are going to be a fat ass in March, now get the hell out of the gym. Stop wasting your time and everyone else's - especially mine - with that pathetic, feeble attempt to get some exercise in January. Just go to the store, buy a 12 pack of cupcakes, sit down on the couch and accept it - you have a big, fat, monkey butt!
Every January, gyms across the world are crammed with oodles of people who have turned over a new leaf to get in shape. They clog up the treadmills of the world, walking slower than they could on the sidewalk, watching Survivor and I hate them all. Here are some of the things I hate most about January at the gym.
Machine Hogs:
You know you have seen them, people who stay on the treadmill, cross trainer or bench press for what seems like hours at a time. These are usually the people who are doing the least amount of exercise in the whole gym. My favorites are the fatties who come to the gym to walk on the treadmill. Instead of driving to the gym to walk, why don't you just walk around your neighborhood, it's free!
TV Watchers:
You've seen them too. Staring intently at something mundane on TV. It might be American Idol or better yet the Food Channel. They are glued to the TV but hardly put any effort towards the exercise they are doing. God forbid they apply that much attention to getting in shape. I say if you want to watch American Idol so fuckin' bad, stay the fuck home.
Phone Whores:
OMG, it's not a baby, it's a phone. Leave the damn thing at home. I used to regularly see a girl at the gym who was always on her phone while on the treadmill. She would be talking nonstop to some poor fool on the other end. I always wanted to elbow her in the face and then step on her phone once it fell to the floor. Luckily I haven't seen her in months.
Tagalongs:
Why do some people who have a friend that is working out at the gym feel compelled to go with them? Is your friend retarded? Do you think that hanging out in the corner texting your mom is going to impress the ladies? Tonight I had to ask this guy who was just sitting on various machines to move 3 times so I could get all my sets in. If Timmy needs to bring you to the gym for moral support, he should just end his life once and for all and take you with him.
Mood: Cockfuckballs!
Song of the Day:
"And every penny from my last paycheck, I've blown it on you."
- Bouncing Off the Walls
Sugarcult
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Gasoline + Collusion = Gasollusion
I started buying gasoline in 1991 and ever since that first day at the pump the spread between the different grades of gasoline has been 10 cents per grade. Premium costs 10 cents more than Midgrade, which costs 10 cents more than Regular. It hasn't mattered if Regular is $1.00 per gallon or $4.00 per gallon, just add 10 or 20 cents to it and you will have the price of the other grades. This means that the spread is a fixed cost. The only variable cost is the price of the gasoline derived from the base commodity oil which constantly changes in price.
Now as prices for gasoline are cascading down the spread between the grades has suddenly increased for no apparent reason. At my local Shell station yesterday Regular was selling for $1.659 per gallon, Midgrade for $1.959 and Premium for 2.059 per gallon. So here in 2008, the spread between Regular and Midgrade has magicially increased to 30 cents per gallon while the spread from Midgrade to Premium remains 10 cents per gallon. This is a clear indication of collusion in the gasoline markets in my opinion.
If the spread between the grades was a percentage of the cost then it would naturally increase as prices went up and drop as prices fell. 5% of $1.00 ($.05) is less than 5% of $4.00 ($.20). This is exactly why Oil Companies like Exxon Mobil and Shell have been seeing record profits as oil rose in price. Their profit is a PERCENTAGE of the base commodity, so as it rises in price so does their profit.
For example, if Regular cost $4.00 then Midgrade might cost $4.20 - 5% higher than Regular grade - and Premium might cost $4.40 - 10% higher than Regular. However that is not what has happened over the past 18 years of ups and downs in the gasoline market. The spread has ALWAYS been 10 cents per grade, no matter what the price.
But suddenly in 2008 the exact opposite has happened. As gas prices have fallen the spread between the grades has RISEN!!! There is no logical answer for this except collusion. I have long wondered why gasoline goes up in price 10 cents at a time but only comes down a penny at a time. That does not speak of an efficient, free flowing market, it speaks of price fixing and collusion in the system between retailers and suppliers.
The next time you hear Congress is holding hearings on something stupid like Steroids in Baseball, call your Representative and ask him why Congress never looks into actual important issues. Things like Collusion in the Gasoline Markets, the Effect of Unregulated Hedge Funds on the Financial Market Meltdown and the Fabrication of Evidence for the War in Iraq to name a few.
Mood: Annoyed
It's Ironic: That my neighbors smoke outside so they don't stink up their own house but they stink up my house if I have my windows open.
Random Movie Quote:
"Brenda?" - Mallrats
Now as prices for gasoline are cascading down the spread between the grades has suddenly increased for no apparent reason. At my local Shell station yesterday Regular was selling for $1.659 per gallon, Midgrade for $1.959 and Premium for 2.059 per gallon. So here in 2008, the spread between Regular and Midgrade has magicially increased to 30 cents per gallon while the spread from Midgrade to Premium remains 10 cents per gallon. This is a clear indication of collusion in the gasoline markets in my opinion.
If the spread between the grades was a percentage of the cost then it would naturally increase as prices went up and drop as prices fell. 5% of $1.00 ($.05) is less than 5% of $4.00 ($.20). This is exactly why Oil Companies like Exxon Mobil and Shell have been seeing record profits as oil rose in price. Their profit is a PERCENTAGE of the base commodity, so as it rises in price so does their profit.
For example, if Regular cost $4.00 then Midgrade might cost $4.20 - 5% higher than Regular grade - and Premium might cost $4.40 - 10% higher than Regular. However that is not what has happened over the past 18 years of ups and downs in the gasoline market. The spread has ALWAYS been 10 cents per grade, no matter what the price.
But suddenly in 2008 the exact opposite has happened. As gas prices have fallen the spread between the grades has RISEN!!! There is no logical answer for this except collusion. I have long wondered why gasoline goes up in price 10 cents at a time but only comes down a penny at a time. That does not speak of an efficient, free flowing market, it speaks of price fixing and collusion in the system between retailers and suppliers.
The next time you hear Congress is holding hearings on something stupid like Steroids in Baseball, call your Representative and ask him why Congress never looks into actual important issues. Things like Collusion in the Gasoline Markets, the Effect of Unregulated Hedge Funds on the Financial Market Meltdown and the Fabrication of Evidence for the War in Iraq to name a few.
Mood: Annoyed
It's Ironic: That my neighbors smoke outside so they don't stink up their own house but they stink up my house if I have my windows open.
Random Movie Quote:
"Brenda?" - Mallrats
Saturday, November 15, 2008
November 15, 1988
I was a 15 year old sophomore at Hermon High School on Tuesday, November 15th, 1988. It was just another day for me. Six hours of school and then walk home. My house was about a half mile from the school via a snowmobile trail that ran through the woods but over a mile away by road, so I always walked home the short way.
On that very afternoon, less than two miles away, a gunshot from a hunter changed the Maine Woods forever. That was the day that hunter Donald Rogerson shot and killed a young mother named Karen Wood while she stood hanging clothes in her own backyard. The most outrageous thing about this unnecessary tragedy was that the hunter was acquitted of any wrongdoing.
An innocent woman was killed and the hunter's excuse was literally - "I thought she was a deer" and that was good enough for a jury to acquit him. An absolutely unacceptable outcome in my opinion. The good news is that Karen's death did shake up the laws and attitudes about hunting in the State of Maine and things have changed for the better since then.
I think this is a perfect example of one of the things that is truly wrong with modern America - personal responsibility. The hunter never took responsibility for his actions. To this day he still won't admit he made a mistake that cost a woman her life. Karen Wood did not get a second chance and I don't think that Donald Rogerson deserved one either.
We are far too eager to let people off the hook for their mistakes or for circumstances beyond their control. Did your daddy molest you as a boy? Then it's OK to kill and eat your neighbors, it's not your fault. Hello, McFly? No, it's not! It's never OK to kill your neighbors or shoot up the school or kill your ex-wife. Certain actions demand consequences, period.
I certainly am glad that Dick Cheney wasn't hunting with Donald Rogerson that day. Who knows how many more innocent Mainers would have been taken out then!
Bangor Daily News Article
Mood of the Day: Empathetic
Song of the Day:
"We both got dreams, we could chase alone, or we could make our own."
-Want To
Sugarland
On that very afternoon, less than two miles away, a gunshot from a hunter changed the Maine Woods forever. That was the day that hunter Donald Rogerson shot and killed a young mother named Karen Wood while she stood hanging clothes in her own backyard. The most outrageous thing about this unnecessary tragedy was that the hunter was acquitted of any wrongdoing.
An innocent woman was killed and the hunter's excuse was literally - "I thought she was a deer" and that was good enough for a jury to acquit him. An absolutely unacceptable outcome in my opinion. The good news is that Karen's death did shake up the laws and attitudes about hunting in the State of Maine and things have changed for the better since then.
I think this is a perfect example of one of the things that is truly wrong with modern America - personal responsibility. The hunter never took responsibility for his actions. To this day he still won't admit he made a mistake that cost a woman her life. Karen Wood did not get a second chance and I don't think that Donald Rogerson deserved one either.
We are far too eager to let people off the hook for their mistakes or for circumstances beyond their control. Did your daddy molest you as a boy? Then it's OK to kill and eat your neighbors, it's not your fault. Hello, McFly? No, it's not! It's never OK to kill your neighbors or shoot up the school or kill your ex-wife. Certain actions demand consequences, period.
I certainly am glad that Dick Cheney wasn't hunting with Donald Rogerson that day. Who knows how many more innocent Mainers would have been taken out then!
Bangor Daily News Article
Mood of the Day: Empathetic
Song of the Day:
"We both got dreams, we could chase alone, or we could make our own."
-Want To
Sugarland
Sunday, August 24, 2008
The Puppy Who Lost His Way...
I have been quite troubled for some time of what has become of ESPN. You remember ESPN don't you? The original cable sports network, been on the air since 1979, has spun dozens of regional and national clones. Unfortunately ESPN is not what it used to be.
I think it all began a couple years ago when they aired that made for TV drama about the New York Yankees 1978 season. I forget the name of it and I don't feel like looking it up right now. Needless to say it has all been downhill since then.
Here is what is wrong with ESPN in my not so humble opinion.
1) Sportscenter:
What's not to love about a show full of the best plays of the day and highlights from all the days sporting events? Nothing of course, but that isn't what Sportscenter is anymore. Sportscenter is now four hours long and has amazingly little actual sports highlights. It instead has hours of endless commentary. Experts talk about and debate anything they can think of. Did Tiger Woods have a broken leg when he won his last major? Will swimming take off in America thanks to Michael Phelps? Will Barry Bonds urine smell like asparagus tomorrow? Needless to say I have stopped watching Sportscenter.
2) The Ticker:
The sports ticker in itself was a brilliant idea. Flash some scores across the screen at regular intervals to let folks know what other important sporting events are occurring or have occurred today then let them get back to the game at hand. Once again, the ticker ain't what it used to be. The sports ticker these days is a constant stream of information, some of it not even vaguely related to actual sporting events. Things like "Pacman Jones wants to be referred to as Adam Jones" and "Brett Farve and his wife have boarded a plane for Wisconsin" now regularly scroll across the screen taking valuable space away from the sporting event you actually tuned in to watch. Every now and then a sports score or two will slide across the screen too. I bow to the TV and scream "I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy!" when that happens.
3) Non-Sports Content:
As mentioned above, the 78 Yankees drama was the first real crazy thing I remember seeing on ESPN. It was on in prime time and I think it was over the summer and fall months - prime sports time. It seems to me that it would have been pretty easy to pick up a few extra actual sporting events and air them instead. Extra MLB baseball games, preseason NFL football or college football. Perhaps even go so far as to introduce America to a new sport or venue - minor league baseball, major league lacrosse, ultramarathoning. Non-sports content seems to be a regular theme on ESPN these days. My least favorite is when they show the National Spelling Bee. I know that those little dorks need exposure but for gawd's sake put it on ESPNU.
4) Schizophrenia:
The final thing that drives me bonkers is when they interrupt a show with another show. This happens a lot on those four hour Sportscenters. Sportscenter is going along and poof all the sudden you are right back into PTI. Hello - didn't those blowhards already have 30 freakin' minutes to spew their goo? Remember the night they interrupted Sunday Night Baseball two or three times to show Brett Farve's fucking plane? What the fuck was that all about? (OK, take deep breaths...Sorry, I'm all better now.) Please pick a topic/event/show and stick with it fellas. If something important happens put it in the (constant) ticker or on ESPNNEWS. Better yet, have the ticker direct people to ESPNNEWS for more coverage of breaking events. I understand breaking into a show for a moment of history - Jon Lester's no hitter for instance - but don't interrupt a live baseball game to show Brett Farve's plane taking off in the dark.
Wow, I'm so worked up I can't even think of a clever ending. The title of this post - The Puppy Who Lost His Way - is from Billy Madison with Adam Sandler in case you were wondering.
Mood: Unimpressed
Random Movie Quote:
"Professional what?" - Ferris Buehler's Day Off
I think it all began a couple years ago when they aired that made for TV drama about the New York Yankees 1978 season. I forget the name of it and I don't feel like looking it up right now. Needless to say it has all been downhill since then.
Here is what is wrong with ESPN in my not so humble opinion.
1) Sportscenter:
What's not to love about a show full of the best plays of the day and highlights from all the days sporting events? Nothing of course, but that isn't what Sportscenter is anymore. Sportscenter is now four hours long and has amazingly little actual sports highlights. It instead has hours of endless commentary. Experts talk about and debate anything they can think of. Did Tiger Woods have a broken leg when he won his last major? Will swimming take off in America thanks to Michael Phelps? Will Barry Bonds urine smell like asparagus tomorrow? Needless to say I have stopped watching Sportscenter.
2) The Ticker:
The sports ticker in itself was a brilliant idea. Flash some scores across the screen at regular intervals to let folks know what other important sporting events are occurring or have occurred today then let them get back to the game at hand. Once again, the ticker ain't what it used to be. The sports ticker these days is a constant stream of information, some of it not even vaguely related to actual sporting events. Things like "Pacman Jones wants to be referred to as Adam Jones" and "Brett Farve and his wife have boarded a plane for Wisconsin" now regularly scroll across the screen taking valuable space away from the sporting event you actually tuned in to watch. Every now and then a sports score or two will slide across the screen too. I bow to the TV and scream "I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy!" when that happens.
3) Non-Sports Content:
As mentioned above, the 78 Yankees drama was the first real crazy thing I remember seeing on ESPN. It was on in prime time and I think it was over the summer and fall months - prime sports time. It seems to me that it would have been pretty easy to pick up a few extra actual sporting events and air them instead. Extra MLB baseball games, preseason NFL football or college football. Perhaps even go so far as to introduce America to a new sport or venue - minor league baseball, major league lacrosse, ultramarathoning. Non-sports content seems to be a regular theme on ESPN these days. My least favorite is when they show the National Spelling Bee. I know that those little dorks need exposure but for gawd's sake put it on ESPNU.
4) Schizophrenia:
The final thing that drives me bonkers is when they interrupt a show with another show. This happens a lot on those four hour Sportscenters. Sportscenter is going along and poof all the sudden you are right back into PTI. Hello - didn't those blowhards already have 30 freakin' minutes to spew their goo? Remember the night they interrupted Sunday Night Baseball two or three times to show Brett Farve's fucking plane? What the fuck was that all about? (OK, take deep breaths...Sorry, I'm all better now.) Please pick a topic/event/show and stick with it fellas. If something important happens put it in the (constant) ticker or on ESPNNEWS. Better yet, have the ticker direct people to ESPNNEWS for more coverage of breaking events. I understand breaking into a show for a moment of history - Jon Lester's no hitter for instance - but don't interrupt a live baseball game to show Brett Farve's plane taking off in the dark.
Wow, I'm so worked up I can't even think of a clever ending. The title of this post - The Puppy Who Lost His Way - is from Billy Madison with Adam Sandler in case you were wondering.
Mood: Unimpressed
Random Movie Quote:
"Professional what?" - Ferris Buehler's Day Off
Thursday, July 17, 2008
The Rockets Red Glare....
Happy belated birthday to America!!! There are a lot of good ways to celebrate the founding of a nation. Ice cream and cake are always my choice to celebrate anything - birthday, graduation, driver's license renewal...
One of the most festive ways to celebrate the 4th of July is with fireworks. You can go to pretty much any dot on the map and somewhere nearby there will be a fireworks display. I happened to be in Aurora, Ohio for the 4th this year and sure enough there was a magnificent fireworks display just a couple towns over on the evening of Friday July 4th.
But we all know the real American way to celebrate the 4th is to shoot of some of your own fireworks. Fireworks you bought at Wal-Mart which were made in China by some malnourished 11 year old boy. Now that is what freedom is all about!!! Now, there is some risk associated with setting off your own fireworks. You have all seen the ads and public service announcements on TV where they have a watermelon holding a firecracker and then "whammo" it gets blown to bits. I say "This is America dammit, if we wanna blow off a finger or two then let us!"
Every locality seems to have their own rules surrounding the purchase, transportation and even usage of these pyrotechnic wonders. Some states allow them, some don't. Some cities and counties in states that allow them don't allow them. Some states will let you drive through with a trunk full of em and some won't. By far the oddest regulation of the firework trade I have come across in my travels is by the state of Ohio. (Hi in the middle and round on the ends.)
Fireworks are legal to purchase in Ohio, you can but a whole truckload if you want. You just can't set them off there. It is illegal to light your fireworks in the state of Ohio. In fact when you purchase fireworks in one of Ohio's many fine fireworks establishments you need to sign an affidavit and swear that you are taking them out of state. It is by far the dumbest thing I have ever run across. Having spent July 3rd through 8th in wonderful, wild...Ohio I can assure you there are a lot of liars residing in Portage County, Ohio.
Mood: Mellow
It's Ironic: That you can purchase fireworks in Ohio but can't set them off there.
Song of the Day:
"I'm gonna live where the green grass grows, watch my corn pop up in rows."
-Where The Green Grass Grows
Tim McGraw
One of the most festive ways to celebrate the 4th of July is with fireworks. You can go to pretty much any dot on the map and somewhere nearby there will be a fireworks display. I happened to be in Aurora, Ohio for the 4th this year and sure enough there was a magnificent fireworks display just a couple towns over on the evening of Friday July 4th.
But we all know the real American way to celebrate the 4th is to shoot of some of your own fireworks. Fireworks you bought at Wal-Mart which were made in China by some malnourished 11 year old boy. Now that is what freedom is all about!!! Now, there is some risk associated with setting off your own fireworks. You have all seen the ads and public service announcements on TV where they have a watermelon holding a firecracker and then "whammo" it gets blown to bits. I say "This is America dammit, if we wanna blow off a finger or two then let us!"
Every locality seems to have their own rules surrounding the purchase, transportation and even usage of these pyrotechnic wonders. Some states allow them, some don't. Some cities and counties in states that allow them don't allow them. Some states will let you drive through with a trunk full of em and some won't. By far the oddest regulation of the firework trade I have come across in my travels is by the state of Ohio. (Hi in the middle and round on the ends.)
Fireworks are legal to purchase in Ohio, you can but a whole truckload if you want. You just can't set them off there. It is illegal to light your fireworks in the state of Ohio. In fact when you purchase fireworks in one of Ohio's many fine fireworks establishments you need to sign an affidavit and swear that you are taking them out of state. It is by far the dumbest thing I have ever run across. Having spent July 3rd through 8th in wonderful, wild...Ohio I can assure you there are a lot of liars residing in Portage County, Ohio.
Mood: Mellow
It's Ironic: That you can purchase fireworks in Ohio but can't set them off there.
Song of the Day:
"I'm gonna live where the green grass grows, watch my corn pop up in rows."
-Where The Green Grass Grows
Tim McGraw
Sunday, October 7, 2007
"We Are All On Drugs Yeah.........
.........Never Getting Enough (Never Get Enough)".
Those are the words of the rock band Weezer and I think they are so very appropriate these days. I am not sure that the boys from Weezer are talking about the same kinda drugs that I am referring to - the prescription variety.
Open up a magazine, turn on the TV, go to a sporting event and you will be bombarded with advertisements for a myriad of prescription drugs designed to fix whatever ails you. High blood pressure, heartburn, allergies, dysfunctional penis - anything you can think of now has a drug that will cure it. My favorite is for "restless leg syndrome". Yes, scientists have now come up with a drug that fixes the heebee geebees - pins and needles if you prefer - what a fantastic breakthru!
If you pay attention to the ads, listen to the disclaimers and read the fine print, you will see that the side effects of the drugs are often worse than the symptoms of the ailment it fixes. Saw an ad today for an allergy medicine, I don't remember the name of it right now, I think it began with a V. Anyway, one of the side effects of the drug was Glaucoma. So flowers won't make you sneeze anymore but you may go blind. That is a trade off I am NEVER going to make, who would?
Personally, I wonder what the long term side effects of taking any sort of artificial chemical compounds for a long period of time really are. What unknown harm does taking Clartin for allergies cause your brain, kidneys or liver over a period of 20 or 30 years? Nobody knows the answer to this question just yet. The good news is that millions of unknowing Americans have been turned into guinea pigs and we will eventually have an answer to this question. I am simply glad I am not one of them.
Random Good Thing:
I was driving home the other day and I saw one of the rarest wonders of the automotive world - a DMC. It was heading south and I was heading north, so I didn't have a chance to see if it was Marty or Doc. Brown behind the wheel. Either way, it was nice to see that shiny metallic finish and one line immediately popped into my head: "You built a time machine....out of a DeLorean?"
Those are the words of the rock band Weezer and I think they are so very appropriate these days. I am not sure that the boys from Weezer are talking about the same kinda drugs that I am referring to - the prescription variety.
Open up a magazine, turn on the TV, go to a sporting event and you will be bombarded with advertisements for a myriad of prescription drugs designed to fix whatever ails you. High blood pressure, heartburn, allergies, dysfunctional penis - anything you can think of now has a drug that will cure it. My favorite is for "restless leg syndrome". Yes, scientists have now come up with a drug that fixes the heebee geebees - pins and needles if you prefer - what a fantastic breakthru!
If you pay attention to the ads, listen to the disclaimers and read the fine print, you will see that the side effects of the drugs are often worse than the symptoms of the ailment it fixes. Saw an ad today for an allergy medicine, I don't remember the name of it right now, I think it began with a V. Anyway, one of the side effects of the drug was Glaucoma. So flowers won't make you sneeze anymore but you may go blind. That is a trade off I am NEVER going to make, who would?
Personally, I wonder what the long term side effects of taking any sort of artificial chemical compounds for a long period of time really are. What unknown harm does taking Clartin for allergies cause your brain, kidneys or liver over a period of 20 or 30 years? Nobody knows the answer to this question just yet. The good news is that millions of unknowing Americans have been turned into guinea pigs and we will eventually have an answer to this question. I am simply glad I am not one of them.
Random Good Thing:
I was driving home the other day and I saw one of the rarest wonders of the automotive world - a DMC. It was heading south and I was heading north, so I didn't have a chance to see if it was Marty or Doc. Brown behind the wheel. Either way, it was nice to see that shiny metallic finish and one line immediately popped into my head: "You built a time machine....out of a DeLorean?"
Sunday, January 7, 2007
John Mellencamp Is A Whore
It's true, admit it. You know EXACTLY what I am talking about. His next album comes out on January 23, 2007 but we have been absolutely BOMBARDED with that song of his since September. It's in every Chevy truck commercial and Chevy apparently advertises during EVERYTHING. Either they are not familiar with the concept of target marketing or their target is "everybody with a pulse". If you have seen any sporting event over the past four months you could not escape hearing that G-D song.
I am a mild sporting enthusiast, I watched the MLB playoffs and an occasional football game, but that's about it. Even with that relatively small sample of sporting event advertising I am utterly sick of that damn song. I was sick of it long before the World Series had even begun.
When he came out and sung that G-D song before one of the MLB playoff games I had to hold back the vom. (You can't tell, but I just threw up a little in my mouth as I was typing.) I can't imagine if I was a sports nut who watched baseball, football, hockey, basketball, college sports, Sportscenter and the like. I would have shot myself by now.
I have always been a fan of John Cougar Mellencamp - JCM for short. I have several of his albums in my collection. I still pull out my Scarecrow cassette and fire it up every now and then. It's that good of an album. But those days are over. He has whored out his new song so much that I just can't take it anymore. It's to the point now that if I hear one of his songs on the radio I change the channel. JCM is dead to me, his soul went to the highest bidder.
Failed Advertising Slogan of The Day:
Even Dykes Love Dick's Sporting Goods!
Random Movie Quote:
"Raise your hand if your brother's a homo!" - Just Friends
I am a mild sporting enthusiast, I watched the MLB playoffs and an occasional football game, but that's about it. Even with that relatively small sample of sporting event advertising I am utterly sick of that damn song. I was sick of it long before the World Series had even begun.
When he came out and sung that G-D song before one of the MLB playoff games I had to hold back the vom. (You can't tell, but I just threw up a little in my mouth as I was typing.) I can't imagine if I was a sports nut who watched baseball, football, hockey, basketball, college sports, Sportscenter and the like. I would have shot myself by now.
I have always been a fan of John Cougar Mellencamp - JCM for short. I have several of his albums in my collection. I still pull out my Scarecrow cassette and fire it up every now and then. It's that good of an album. But those days are over. He has whored out his new song so much that I just can't take it anymore. It's to the point now that if I hear one of his songs on the radio I change the channel. JCM is dead to me, his soul went to the highest bidder.
Failed Advertising Slogan of The Day:
Even Dykes Love Dick's Sporting Goods!
Random Movie Quote:
"Raise your hand if your brother's a homo!" - Just Friends
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Hooray........Responsibility!
So I finished up my Christmas shopping on December 20th this year, the earliest ever. I hate to admit it, but I appear to be getting more responsible as I age. I even got the last of my holiday cards in the mail on Monday, December 18th, also pretty solid for me.
It seems to me that only a few short years ago I wouldn't even begin Christmas shopping until the 21st or 22nd. What has happened to the good ole days of running to the mall on December 23rd, fighting for a parking spot and then trying not to knock people over as I bustle through the mall with all my parcels. Good ole days indeed.
I have noticed that I am not the only one who is getting responsible. Back in the day, I could count on a funny holiday card from my best bud Kevin. Something with a farting reindeer on the front or some tawdry reference to Santa's hos. No more my friend. Now Kevin and his family have crossed over to the dark side. They send me one of those photo cards with a picture of the kids on it. I can't stand those god damn picture cards. That is a total kop-out.
I get more and more of those damn things every year. And it is always the same, just the kids on there in some holiday sweaters or with some fake trees and snow in the background. Why aren't mom n dad dressed up and on the darn thing? I know what your kids look like, they are not that attractive. I could deal with a picture of the whole family, that would actually be nice. But it is always just the tricycle motors in the photo. The caption always reads "Happy Holidays" or "Seasons Greetings". Generic enough to be un-genuine and non-offensive at the same time. I say keep the picture card and bring back the farting reindeer!
It seems to me that only a few short years ago I wouldn't even begin Christmas shopping until the 21st or 22nd. What has happened to the good ole days of running to the mall on December 23rd, fighting for a parking spot and then trying not to knock people over as I bustle through the mall with all my parcels. Good ole days indeed.
I have noticed that I am not the only one who is getting responsible. Back in the day, I could count on a funny holiday card from my best bud Kevin. Something with a farting reindeer on the front or some tawdry reference to Santa's hos. No more my friend. Now Kevin and his family have crossed over to the dark side. They send me one of those photo cards with a picture of the kids on it. I can't stand those god damn picture cards. That is a total kop-out.
I get more and more of those damn things every year. And it is always the same, just the kids on there in some holiday sweaters or with some fake trees and snow in the background. Why aren't mom n dad dressed up and on the darn thing? I know what your kids look like, they are not that attractive. I could deal with a picture of the whole family, that would actually be nice. But it is always just the tricycle motors in the photo. The caption always reads "Happy Holidays" or "Seasons Greetings". Generic enough to be un-genuine and non-offensive at the same time. I say keep the picture card and bring back the farting reindeer!
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Opinion Confirmed!
I have long had the opinion that NASA is the biggest piece of fatback in our pork laden Federal government. We spend billions upon billions year after year to send satellites on journeys to places they will never come back from. Places we will never visit, places without atmospheres, water or cable TV. Can there be a bigger waste of the taxpayers money? Well, maybe the War on Terror which has somehow landed us in Iraq. A country that did not have toothpaste or toilet paper nonetheless WMDs.
Now I understand there is a scientific purpose for some of the things NASA does and I am cool with that. However, I think they could accomplish all the "critical" exploration with probably 2% of their current budget. Just scrap the rest of it. We don't need an International Space Station. What we actually need is to figure out how to colonize the moon so when this planet is toast we will have somewhere to go.
The latest proof that the ISS is a complete waste of money is that they are getting ready to launch a golf ball into space on an upcoming space walk on Wednesday. Yes, you read that correctly, part of our tax dollars are going so that an astronaut - actually a cosmonaut because a Ruski is doing the swinging - can launch a golf ball into the final frontier. For Christ's sake, if we are paying for it at least let an American hit the damn thing! Is that too much to ask? The Ruski doesn't even play golf, he had to train specifically for this mission, how sad is that?
Imagine what 98% of NASAs budget could do to improve education, restore New Orleans, find alternative energy sources or for cancer research. Just don't let those War on Terror people have the money, who knows how many more countries they will invade with it.
Footnote: When I ran this post through the spell-checker it wanted to replace "NASA" with "Nauseas". Enough said.
Now I understand there is a scientific purpose for some of the things NASA does and I am cool with that. However, I think they could accomplish all the "critical" exploration with probably 2% of their current budget. Just scrap the rest of it. We don't need an International Space Station. What we actually need is to figure out how to colonize the moon so when this planet is toast we will have somewhere to go.
The latest proof that the ISS is a complete waste of money is that they are getting ready to launch a golf ball into space on an upcoming space walk on Wednesday. Yes, you read that correctly, part of our tax dollars are going so that an astronaut - actually a cosmonaut because a Ruski is doing the swinging - can launch a golf ball into the final frontier. For Christ's sake, if we are paying for it at least let an American hit the damn thing! Is that too much to ask? The Ruski doesn't even play golf, he had to train specifically for this mission, how sad is that?
Imagine what 98% of NASAs budget could do to improve education, restore New Orleans, find alternative energy sources or for cancer research. Just don't let those War on Terror people have the money, who knows how many more countries they will invade with it.
Footnote: When I ran this post through the spell-checker it wanted to replace "NASA" with "Nauseas". Enough said.
Thursday, November 9, 2006
Holi-daze
I remember growing up how much I hated Labor Day because it meant that summer was over for sure and it was back to school the next day. But once that was behind me, it was only a few short weeks to Halloween. Halloween was cool because I got free candy. I believe in anything that gives me presents, candy or money - tooth fairy, Santa Claus, porn fairy - it's all good in my book. Even as an adult I enjoy Halloween. A chance to dress up in a Ron Burgundy costume, get drunk and act like an ass for 6 hours - what is not to love?
Then of course came Thanksgiving, a chance to reflect on the year, spend time with family and be glad to be an American, with my humblest apologies to the natives of course. Something we always had at Thanksgiving was those little square after dinner mints. You know the ones in pastel colors of pink, white yellow and green. They just melted in your mouth. To this day, I can go to my mom's house and she will have a dish of those out for Turkey Day. They are conspicuously absent the rest of the year however.
Then along came Christmas, we always put the tree up the first weekend of December. It was a fake tree because my brother was allergic to the real thing. Up went the advent calendar and we began the countdown to Christmas - 25 days, 24, 23.... Shopping downtown and at the mall, it was fun for the whole family.
So what happened? Now Christmas is acting like some strung out whore, offering up hummers on the sidewalk. You walk into Tar-mart on October 23rd looking for Halloween candy and sure enough there she is all hopped up on tinsel begging you to squeeze her tits. No Christmas, I don't want to feel your tits! Yes, they are very nice. Now put them away and stop acting like such a whore!!!
Then of course came Thanksgiving, a chance to reflect on the year, spend time with family and be glad to be an American, with my humblest apologies to the natives of course. Something we always had at Thanksgiving was those little square after dinner mints. You know the ones in pastel colors of pink, white yellow and green. They just melted in your mouth. To this day, I can go to my mom's house and she will have a dish of those out for Turkey Day. They are conspicuously absent the rest of the year however.
Then along came Christmas, we always put the tree up the first weekend of December. It was a fake tree because my brother was allergic to the real thing. Up went the advent calendar and we began the countdown to Christmas - 25 days, 24, 23.... Shopping downtown and at the mall, it was fun for the whole family.
So what happened? Now Christmas is acting like some strung out whore, offering up hummers on the sidewalk. You walk into Tar-mart on October 23rd looking for Halloween candy and sure enough there she is all hopped up on tinsel begging you to squeeze her tits. No Christmas, I don't want to feel your tits! Yes, they are very nice. Now put them away and stop acting like such a whore!!!
Saturday, September 9, 2006
Third World Cup
Yes, I know I am like three months late but I simply have to reply to my boy Skillz wonderful blog about the World Cup. My initial reaction is..........(yawn).
Here are the top three reasons I did not watch any of the Third World Cup:
1) I own an automobile.
2) I am not employed as a landscaper, dishwasher or maintenance worker.
3) My mountain bike is used for recreation, not transportation.
If I wanted to watch people go back and forth and back and forth without accomplishing anything I would simply watch C-SPAN.
Now take your communist ass back to Germany you dirty, motherbitching ass clown!
Actually, at the time I was much more interested in the NCAA College Baseball Championship. I was rooting for two teams - once my University of Maine Black Bears were eliminated - the University of South Carolina Gamecocks and the Oregon State Beavers. Yes, I was hoping it would be the Cocks and Beavers playing for the National Championship. I had the headline all picked out in my mind: "Cocks Pound Beavers for National Title." How cool would it have been to open up the Sunday Post and see that?
Here are the top three reasons I did not watch any of the Third World Cup:
1) I own an automobile.
2) I am not employed as a landscaper, dishwasher or maintenance worker.
3) My mountain bike is used for recreation, not transportation.
If I wanted to watch people go back and forth and back and forth without accomplishing anything I would simply watch C-SPAN.
Now take your communist ass back to Germany you dirty, motherbitching ass clown!
Actually, at the time I was much more interested in the NCAA College Baseball Championship. I was rooting for two teams - once my University of Maine Black Bears were eliminated - the University of South Carolina Gamecocks and the Oregon State Beavers. Yes, I was hoping it would be the Cocks and Beavers playing for the National Championship. I had the headline all picked out in my mind: "Cocks Pound Beavers for National Title." How cool would it have been to open up the Sunday Post and see that?
Monday, May 15, 2006
Natural Selection
I grew up in Maine and the beautiful thing about life in the Pine Tree State was a season that I refer to as Natural Selection. It happened every year, just like clock work, it was a phenomenon that you could count on.
Natural Selection would begin in November with the start of hunting season. All the rednecks would take their guns and go out in the woods and look for things to shoot. Rednecks, guns, woods and alcohol are a dangerous cocktail. It didn't take more than a few days for you to hear about the first case of Natural Selection - a hunter shooting another hunter. Bingo! Instantly, there is one less redneck in the gene pool. You could count on a couple more rednecks being taken out of the gene pool by the end of November.
Then, just when you think it's over, Natural Selection would hit its peek in late December or early January. Winter would be getting its icy grip on the land and the rednecks who survived hunting season would switch to snowmobiling. It never took long for a redneck to drive out on a lake and plunge through the ice. One was never enough, you could count on 3 or 4, maybe even 6 or 8 other fools taking themselves out of the gene pool before the ice hardened up.
That is what is wrong with the South, Natural Selection is reduced to hunting season only. This means that too many rednecks are still in the gene pool, knocking up other rednecks and making baby rednecks to carry on. Of course, I have a solution to this problem. :-)
I propose we take all the people who go to sporting events and then call their buddies and wave to them on TV and shoot them. This is going to take some work, perhaps they can create a new Federal Government agency for this purpose. Someone has to watch each televised sporting event and keep track of all the people who wave in the background while the game is going on. Then this info, has to be sent to the arena in real time, so these people can be rounded up before the event ends. You would have to tell them they won some sort of prize and to report to the far, far, far parking lot immediately after the game. Then you shoot everyone who shows up. Bingo, less rednecks in the gene pool. They should start this program immediately at Yankee Stadium.
Natural Selection would begin in November with the start of hunting season. All the rednecks would take their guns and go out in the woods and look for things to shoot. Rednecks, guns, woods and alcohol are a dangerous cocktail. It didn't take more than a few days for you to hear about the first case of Natural Selection - a hunter shooting another hunter. Bingo! Instantly, there is one less redneck in the gene pool. You could count on a couple more rednecks being taken out of the gene pool by the end of November.
Then, just when you think it's over, Natural Selection would hit its peek in late December or early January. Winter would be getting its icy grip on the land and the rednecks who survived hunting season would switch to snowmobiling. It never took long for a redneck to drive out on a lake and plunge through the ice. One was never enough, you could count on 3 or 4, maybe even 6 or 8 other fools taking themselves out of the gene pool before the ice hardened up.
That is what is wrong with the South, Natural Selection is reduced to hunting season only. This means that too many rednecks are still in the gene pool, knocking up other rednecks and making baby rednecks to carry on. Of course, I have a solution to this problem. :-)
I propose we take all the people who go to sporting events and then call their buddies and wave to them on TV and shoot them. This is going to take some work, perhaps they can create a new Federal Government agency for this purpose. Someone has to watch each televised sporting event and keep track of all the people who wave in the background while the game is going on. Then this info, has to be sent to the arena in real time, so these people can be rounded up before the event ends. You would have to tell them they won some sort of prize and to report to the far, far, far parking lot immediately after the game. Then you shoot everyone who shows up. Bingo, less rednecks in the gene pool. They should start this program immediately at Yankee Stadium.
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