The Puppy Who Lost His Way...

I have been quite troubled for some time of what has become of ESPN. You remember ESPN don't you? The original cable sports network, been on the air since 1979, has spun dozens of regional and national clones. Unfortunately ESPN is not what it used to be.

I think it all began a couple years ago when they aired that made for TV drama about the New York Yankees 1978 season. I forget the name of it and I don't feel like looking it up right now. Needless to say it has all been downhill since then.

Here is what is wrong with ESPN in my not so humble opinion.

1) Sportscenter:

What's not to love about a show full of the best plays of the day and highlights from all the days sporting events? Nothing of course, but that isn't what Sportscenter is anymore. Sportscenter is now four hours long and has amazingly little actual sports highlights. It instead has hours of endless commentary. Experts talk about and debate anything they can think of. Did Tiger Woods have a broken leg when he won his last major? Will swimming take off in America thanks to Michael Phelps? Will Barry Bonds urine smell like asparagus tomorrow? Needless to say I have stopped watching Sportscenter.

2) The Ticker:

The sports ticker in itself was a brilliant idea. Flash some scores across the screen at regular intervals to let folks know what other important sporting events are occurring or have occurred today then let them get back to the game at hand. Once again, the ticker ain't what it used to be. The sports ticker these days is a constant stream of information, some of it not even vaguely related to actual sporting events. Things like "Pacman Jones wants to be referred to as Adam Jones" and "Brett Farve and his wife have boarded a plane for Wisconsin" now regularly scroll across the screen taking valuable space away from the sporting event you actually tuned in to watch. Every now and then a sports score or two will slide across the screen too. I bow to the TV and scream "I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy!" when that happens.

3) Non-Sports Content:

As mentioned above, the 78 Yankees drama was the first real crazy thing I remember seeing on ESPN. It was on in prime time and I think it was over the summer and fall months - prime sports time. It seems to me that it would have been pretty easy to pick up a few extra actual sporting events and air them instead. Extra MLB baseball games, preseason NFL football or college football. Perhaps even go so far as to introduce America to a new sport or venue - minor league baseball, major league lacrosse, ultramarathoning. Non-sports content seems to be a regular theme on ESPN these days. My least favorite is when they show the National Spelling Bee. I know that those little dorks need exposure but for gawd's sake put it on ESPNU.

4) Schizophrenia:

The final thing that drives me bonkers is when they interrupt a show with another show. This happens a lot on those four hour Sportscenters. Sportscenter is going along and poof all the sudden you are right back into PTI. Hello - didn't those blowhards already have 30 freakin' minutes to spew their goo? Remember the night they interrupted Sunday Night Baseball two or three times to show Brett Farve's fucking plane? What the fuck was that all about? (OK, take deep breaths...Sorry, I'm all better now.) Please pick a topic/event/show and stick with it fellas. If something important happens put it in the (constant) ticker or on ESPNNEWS. Better yet, have the ticker direct people to ESPNNEWS for more coverage of breaking events. I understand breaking into a show for a moment of history - Jon Lester's no hitter for instance - but don't interrupt a live baseball game to show Brett Farve's plane taking off in the dark.

Wow, I'm so worked up I can't even think of a clever ending. The title of this post - The Puppy Who Lost His Way - is from Billy Madison with Adam Sandler in case you were wondering.

Mood: Unimpressed

Random Movie Quote:

"Professional what?" - Ferris Buehler's Day Off

Pine Tree Top Five

I spend at least one week each summer back in my home state of Maine. No matter what else is on the itinerary I always time to fit these 5 things into each visit.

Lobster – You think lobster and you think Maine, no doubt about it. I always partake when I am there because the lobster there is fresh and crazy cheap. I can crack open a lobster with the best of ‘em but my favorite way to eat it is via the Lobster Roll. Let someone else do all the work and give me the reward. Am I an American or what?

Star Gazing – I always find a few spare moments to make my way out to a dock or a field to star gaze. I am always amazed at how many more stars I can see in the sky without the street lights of the suburbs. I truly understand why our galaxy is called the Milky Way after a few minutes of star gazing in the Pine Tree State.

River Rat – That is the brand name of the inner tube I use to float on Clearwater Pond each summer. There is nothing I enjoy more than paddling out in the River Rat and dubbing around the lake for a few hours or until I need another beer. Good times!

Red Hot Dog – In Maine, the hot dogs are red, bright red. Not exactly fire engine red but pretty much exactly the color red of the red socks in the Boston Red Sox logo. They crunch when you bite them, much like a good dill pickle does. I have never seen Red Hot Dogs anywhere else in the world besides the State of Maine.

Hammock Time – my second favorite way to kill time after the River Rat is to chillax in my mom’s hammock. It is one of those big fancy ones with its own metal stand – no trees harmed thank you very much. Swinging in the breeze with my iPod or WKIT supplying the tunes is a great way to kill a sunny afternoon.

Mood: Refreshed

Song of the Day:

"There's a fire that's been burning, right outside my door..."

-Take Me Home

Phil Collins