Recognize those lyrics? That is from the rhyme master Pauly Shore but the Lisa I am talking about is Lisa Loeb. She is a stone cold, hottie in my humble opinion. Who else ever made you want to date a librarian?
Poor Lisa is looking for love and the E channel must have thrown some duckets at her because they are taping her search. The result is the show "#1 Single" on E. I happened to catch the premiere episode tonight as I was flipping channels. ( I would watch a show about Lisa buying fruit at the store, so I was hooked right away.)
According to the E-online website this is what she is looking for:
"Seek intelligent city guy (NYC or L.A.) between 30-45. Must be smart, funny, sensitive (not wimpy), adventurous and family oriented. Preferably Jewish. No diets, no fake hair. Healthy and active a plus. Must love cats."
So let's see where I stand:
* Intelligent - yes!
* City guy - well, sorta. I live in the burbs, which some people (Charmaine) think are lame, but I can get by in the city.
* NYC or L.A. - ouch, nope. I think NYC is evil, well mostly just the Yankees, and I have never been to Cali.
* Between 30 and 45 - yes! and I am on the low end of the scale, bonus!
* Smart - well yeah!
* Funny - damn straight, I am a friggin' riot!
* Sensitive (not wimpy) - totally me!
* Adventurous - fo' shizzle!
* Family Orientated - ummm, well, potentially!?!
* Preferably Jewish - nope, I dated a Jewish gal though, does that help?
* No diets - OK, you're the boss Lisa.
* No fake hair - no snickers bars on my head, thank you very much.
* Healthy and active a plus - more bonus points for me!!!
* Must love cats - ouch, I have more of a "tolerate" POV on cats.
Dang it!!! It doesn't look like I am Lisa's soul mate. We'd go out for a while, and then she would figure out that I really don't love cats and then she'd break my heart. Maybe she was talking about the musical?
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Born on the 4th of July
Have you ever learned a bit of trivia, a "fact" if you will, that is totally trivial in nature, but really just bums you out. This could be something like your ex is engaged or the guy who replaced you when you got fired from Starbucks is now the general manager of the place. In reality, your life is no worse or no better for knowing this information. It is completely irrelevant, but you feel like crap anyway.
This type of thing happened to me recently. I suppose, the saddest thing about this whole deal is that this small bit of trivia escaped my attention for so long. Perhaps, I heard it once, but I then instantly blocked it from my memory. What has traumatized me so? I recently learned that I share the same birthday as our bumblin', stumblin' president - George W. Bush. Yup, ole W. and I were both born on July 6th.
Now W. has been president for 5 years, so I am amazed that I hadn't heard until recently that we share a birthday. The only other famous person I know who shares our birthday is Sylvester Stallone - the Italian Stallion! Now sharing a birthday with Rocky is pretty cool, but I really don't want to share a birthday, or anything really, with President Bush. So I have decided to celebrate my birthday on July 4th for at least the next couple years. My dad and my brother-in-law both have their birthdays on July 4th, so I figure I can just weasel in and maybe no one will notice.
This type of thing happened to me recently. I suppose, the saddest thing about this whole deal is that this small bit of trivia escaped my attention for so long. Perhaps, I heard it once, but I then instantly blocked it from my memory. What has traumatized me so? I recently learned that I share the same birthday as our bumblin', stumblin' president - George W. Bush. Yup, ole W. and I were both born on July 6th.
Now W. has been president for 5 years, so I am amazed that I hadn't heard until recently that we share a birthday. The only other famous person I know who shares our birthday is Sylvester Stallone - the Italian Stallion! Now sharing a birthday with Rocky is pretty cool, but I really don't want to share a birthday, or anything really, with President Bush. So I have decided to celebrate my birthday on July 4th for at least the next couple years. My dad and my brother-in-law both have their birthdays on July 4th, so I figure I can just weasel in and maybe no one will notice.
Friday, January 13, 2006
Technology
All this technology that we are exposed to is supposed to make our lives better. I am cool with that, I love my digi camera. Heck, I can make my own porn if I want to (and have a willing female companion). But, somebody, somewhere screwed up big time recently. Here's how:
I got an application for the Borders Visa Credit Card from Chase Bank. It says on the application - in big bold letters: "The Visa for Book Lovers!" - this is too funny. All these billions of computers on the planet and nobody ran the old "Does he buy books screen?" before they sent these bad boys out.
The last book I bought was a Stephen King book - sounds respectable right? I know what you are thinking - "His books are huge - like 500 pages. Wow, this guy must love to read." No, not exactly. It was a Stephen King book on The Red Sox - "Faithful" - the story of the 2004 Season. [Screw you Johnny Damon! - sorry, minor tangent there.] "Still, that is a pretty solid sized book", you say. True, but it was a gift - for my mom.
Now it says right on the application, in the tiny print that no one reads, that I was "prescreened" to receive this offer. Next time fellas, run the damn screen and save yourselves 39 cents. Those things on your desks, those are computers and they work best when you turn them on! Now if you will excuse me, I have a date with the shredder.
I got an application for the Borders Visa Credit Card from Chase Bank. It says on the application - in big bold letters: "The Visa for Book Lovers!" - this is too funny. All these billions of computers on the planet and nobody ran the old "Does he buy books screen?" before they sent these bad boys out.
The last book I bought was a Stephen King book - sounds respectable right? I know what you are thinking - "His books are huge - like 500 pages. Wow, this guy must love to read." No, not exactly. It was a Stephen King book on The Red Sox - "Faithful" - the story of the 2004 Season. [Screw you Johnny Damon! - sorry, minor tangent there.] "Still, that is a pretty solid sized book", you say. True, but it was a gift - for my mom.
Now it says right on the application, in the tiny print that no one reads, that I was "prescreened" to receive this offer. Next time fellas, run the damn screen and save yourselves 39 cents. Those things on your desks, those are computers and they work best when you turn them on! Now if you will excuse me, I have a date with the shredder.
Sunday, January 8, 2006
Speed Limit 55!!!
Growing up, the Speed Limit on the highway was always 55. My mom would always drive the speed limit, no matter what it was or where she was going. My dad would adhere to the speed limit in a general, roundabout sort of way. That is until mom would notice that he was speeding. Then she would then tell him to "slow down, Marty!" He always obliged, for a few miles at least.
There was this one spot on the Maine Turnpike, just North of Augusta, where the highway goes up over a little ridge and another road passes overhead via an overpass. On this particular overpass, the MTA (Maine Turnpike Authority) bolted up this big electronic sign that said "Speed Limit 55". The catch was, it only lit up if you were speeding, to slow people down. You had to be going a good ways over the limit for it to light up, 65 would do it, but I am not sure that 62 was fast enough to light it up.
We only went through this area two or three times a year. Us kids always egged my dad to "light up the sign" as we went by. It was a special moment for us to see that sign light up. Having "Speed Limit 55" flashing in big red neon letters was the highlight of many trips to my grandparents house. It didn't matter if we were in our 1970 Pontiac, the 1980 Chevy Impala, my dad's 1983 Mazda SE-5 pickup or our 1987 Chevy Blazer - my dad would always oblige.
They took the sign down after the speed limit was increased to 65 sometime in the 1990s. (Nice energy policy!) But you can still see the holes in the concrete and see the faded paint where the Speed Limit 55 sign once was. I always smile as I drive North and see my favorite overpass and I remember all those trips when I was young.
There was this one spot on the Maine Turnpike, just North of Augusta, where the highway goes up over a little ridge and another road passes overhead via an overpass. On this particular overpass, the MTA (Maine Turnpike Authority) bolted up this big electronic sign that said "Speed Limit 55". The catch was, it only lit up if you were speeding, to slow people down. You had to be going a good ways over the limit for it to light up, 65 would do it, but I am not sure that 62 was fast enough to light it up.
We only went through this area two or three times a year. Us kids always egged my dad to "light up the sign" as we went by. It was a special moment for us to see that sign light up. Having "Speed Limit 55" flashing in big red neon letters was the highlight of many trips to my grandparents house. It didn't matter if we were in our 1970 Pontiac, the 1980 Chevy Impala, my dad's 1983 Mazda SE-5 pickup or our 1987 Chevy Blazer - my dad would always oblige.
They took the sign down after the speed limit was increased to 65 sometime in the 1990s. (Nice energy policy!) But you can still see the holes in the concrete and see the faded paint where the Speed Limit 55 sign once was. I always smile as I drive North and see my favorite overpass and I remember all those trips when I was young.
Saturday, January 7, 2006
January 6, 1996
Does anybody remember why this date is significant? "Anybody, anybody..." That's right, it was the day that I moved to Virginia from Maine, 10 years ago today - er - yesterday. Oh yeah, it was also the day The Blizzard of 96 started. Good times!
I distinctly remember driving across the Woodrow Wilson Bridge for the first time about 6:00pm, looking off to the right to Old Towne Alexandria and seeing the George Washington Masonic Memorial all lit up - although I had no idea what it was at the time. And way off in the distance - Washington, DC.
We, I came here with a fiancee, ended up in Kingstowne where we crashed with some friends. Our first meal was at Damon's, right in Kingstowne. As we walked outside, slightly inebriated, after our inaugural meal the snow flakes were just beginning to fly.
We drove 720 miles to leave the snow and cold of Maine behind us and what greeted us in Virginia? Record snow and cold - oh joy! When the snow stopped falling on Monday the landscape looked eerily familiar to the one we left behind, except for the Virginia license plates on the cars.
Ten years later I am still here. Somewhere along the way I lost my fiancee, she still lives locally, we just don't hang out or talk or anything. Overall, I have enjoyed my first ten years in NoVA and I look forward to the next ten.
I distinctly remember driving across the Woodrow Wilson Bridge for the first time about 6:00pm, looking off to the right to Old Towne Alexandria and seeing the George Washington Masonic Memorial all lit up - although I had no idea what it was at the time. And way off in the distance - Washington, DC.
We, I came here with a fiancee, ended up in Kingstowne where we crashed with some friends. Our first meal was at Damon's, right in Kingstowne. As we walked outside, slightly inebriated, after our inaugural meal the snow flakes were just beginning to fly.
We drove 720 miles to leave the snow and cold of Maine behind us and what greeted us in Virginia? Record snow and cold - oh joy! When the snow stopped falling on Monday the landscape looked eerily familiar to the one we left behind, except for the Virginia license plates on the cars.
Ten years later I am still here. Somewhere along the way I lost my fiancee, she still lives locally, we just don't hang out or talk or anything. Overall, I have enjoyed my first ten years in NoVA and I look forward to the next ten.
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