I Hate January

Boy do I hate January, boy oh boy. Not because it's winter - although that is certainly a good enough reason - not because of the end of pro football, not because there are six more long months before my birthday. I hate January because of New Year's Resolutions.

I think that New Year's Resolutions, NYR from here on out, are a bunch of crap. It really all goes back to the general lack of personal responsibility that pervades the world these days. If you notice a flaw in yourself, you get to put off dealing with it for upwards of months at a time. I say why wait until some arbitrary day to remedy it. If you notice something out of whack or an area you could improve upon, fix it on the spot.

The most annoying NYR, or at least the one that affects me the most, is the whole "I'm gonna get in shape!" NYR. Face it, if you were a fat ass in November you are going to be a fat ass in March, now get the hell out of the gym. Stop wasting your time and everyone else's - especially mine - with that pathetic, feeble attempt to get some exercise in January. Just go to the store, buy a 12 pack of cupcakes, sit down on the couch and accept it - you have a big, fat, monkey butt!

Every January, gyms across the world are crammed with oodles of people who have turned over a new leaf to get in shape. They clog up the treadmills of the world, walking slower than they could on the sidewalk, watching Survivor and I hate them all. Here are some of the things I hate most about January at the gym.

Machine Hogs:

You know you have seen them, people who stay on the treadmill, cross trainer or bench press for what seems like hours at a time. These are usually the people who are doing the least amount of exercise in the whole gym. My favorites are the fatties who come to the gym to walk on the treadmill. Instead of driving to the gym to walk, why don't you just walk around your neighborhood, it's free!

TV Watchers:

You've seen them too. Staring intently at something mundane on TV. It might be American Idol or better yet the Food Channel. They are glued to the TV but hardly put any effort towards the exercise they are doing. God forbid they apply that much attention to getting in shape. I say if you want to watch American Idol so fuckin' bad, stay the fuck home.

Phone Whores:

OMG, it's not a baby, it's a phone. Leave the damn thing at home. I used to regularly see a girl at the gym who was always on her phone while on the treadmill. She would be talking nonstop to some poor fool on the other end. I always wanted to elbow her in the face and then step on her phone once it fell to the floor. Luckily I haven't seen her in months.

Tagalongs:

Why do some people who have a friend that is working out at the gym feel compelled to go with them? Is your friend retarded? Do you think that hanging out in the corner texting your mom is going to impress the ladies? Tonight I had to ask this guy who was just sitting on various machines to move 3 times so I could get all my sets in. If Timmy needs to bring you to the gym for moral support, he should just end his life once and for all and take you with him.

Mood: Cockfuckballs!

Song of the Day:

"And every penny from my last paycheck, I've blown it on you."

- Bouncing Off the Walls

Sugarcult