The People In My Neighborhood

For about the past four years I have been walking two miles every day to get a little exercise and fresh air. I literally leave my house, walk a mile through my neighborhood, turn around and walk back home. After approximately 3,000 trips up and down the sidewalk the walk has become a bit on the mundane side.

To lighten up the monotony some I began counting cars a couple years back. I just keep a running count of how many cars pass me on my trip. It varies depending on what time of day I go. If I go around dinner time I will see a ton of cars, 97 is the all time high. That's about 3 cars a minute driving through my little slice of suburbia. The low is a mere 8 cars when I went about midnight one night.

I also count other things from time to time, squirrels in the fall, robins in the spring for instance. After four years of scoping out my neighborhood I have a pretty good handle on things. I recognize when a car has been parked in the same spot for three weeks, new street signs and other random things. Here are some of the highlights of my walk through zip code 20121.

Yellow Shirt Guy:

If I leave my house at about 1:55pm, my standard departure time, I usually see a guy in a little green Honda wearing a bright yellow shirt driving towards me as I walk. I figure he is on his lunch break and heading back to work as he is always heading in the same direction at about the same time of day.

Darky The Squirrel:

There is a black squirrel in my neighborhood. I see him all the time, not just on my walk. Black squirrels are a genetic mutation and not all that uncommon but just seeing him is a bit of a treat. I always yell out "Hi Darky" whenever I see him. He has never said anything back though.

The Pedophile:

I also see this old man at the park pretty regularly on the swings. I call him the pedophile but maybe he is just a retired pilot who missed the friendly skies. He is on the swings a couple days a week and always looks like he is having a blast swinging away.

The Dog Lady:

I also see a retired woman walking her dog on a pretty regular basis. We have brief conversations about the weather but I don't even know her name after probably two years of seeing her. I do know her dog was a rescue from Hurricane Katrina but that's about it.

The Bleeding Tree:

Last year the power company cut down a bunch of trees around their power lines. Ever since, one of the leftover stumps has been "bleeding". Really, it just means the roots of the tree are still alive and capturing water and nutrients and sending them upwards to the tree that is no longer there. Still, it's wicked creepy and the kind of thing that Stephen King would love to use in one of his novels.

Homeless Guy:

Every now and then I see a guy sleeping in his car at night. He isn't there every night but every so often he will be in it with his pillow and blankets for a few nights in a row. The car is always there but he is not always in it. Maybe it's just when his mother-in-law comes to visit.

Mood: Content

Song Of The Day:

"Oh, who are the people in your neighborhood,
In your neighborhood, in your neighborhood."

-In Your Neighborhood

The Muppets

Traitor Johnny

OK,this one goes out to Ian Browne and the countless other sports reporters who don't understand why die hard Red Sox fans like myself still ABSOLUTELY DESPISE Johnny Damon three and a half years after he left the Sox to sign with the Yankees.

Ian, it is extremely simple. The reason we hate Damon so much is because he lied to us. Early in the 2005 season Damon was asked point blank if he would ever consider signing with the Yankees when he became a free agent. His response was this and I quote: "No way." Even though he said "they (the Yankees) were gonna come after (him) hard." He said he could never play for the Yankees after playing for the Sox.

Less thank six months after making this absolutely concrete statement Damon signed a four year contract with the Yankees. Red Sox Nation waited 86 years for our 6th World Series title. It's citizens are not going to forget a promise like that in a mere six months. Obviously there is a statute of limitations on a quote like that but it is certainly significantly longer than six months.

If Damon simply owned up to his betrayal the fans of Red Sox Nation would have let him off the hook. We understand that baseball is a business and that Damon went to the team that was willing to pay him the most money. Our anger doesn't come from the act of signing with the Evil Empire but the promise Damon made to us that he would NEVER do such a thing.

Anyone who doesn't get this is clearly NOT a member of Red Sox Nation. This isn't a complex issue, it's an issue of loyalty and a broken promise. We took Damon at his word and it was our mistake but we certainly will not make that mistake again. Now we live to make every at bat and half inning in the outfield a miserable experience for Traitor Johnny.

Mood: Hysterical.

Found Porn:

There's a town in Missouri called Knob Lick, it's right off US Route 67. The only way this could be better is if it was near Route 69 instead!

Song of the Day:

"Swing Batta Batta Batta Batta Batta Swing."

-Come Baby Come

K-7

Going Postal

It has been all over the news the last few weeks that the United States Postal Service, USPS from here on out, was raising rates effective Monday, May 11, 2009. They did a nice job getting the word out on TV, radio and the Internet. I actually thought it was nice that USPS waited until after Mother's Day to raise rates. They usually raise rates this time of year and very easily could have done so on May 1st but they waited.

I happened to be out of stamps on the 11th so I took a drive to my local USPS office to stock up on the new denominations. The cost of a one ounce, first class stamp went from 42 cents to 44 cents. Still a pretty good bargain in my opinion. I can pop a letter in the mail here in Virginia and it is delivered as far away as Hawaii in two or three days for a mere 44 cents - sweet!

I went about lunchtime and the line wasn't too long and within a minute or two I was standing at the counter looking at a very nice cardboard sign displaying all the new rates. I needed 44 cent stamps and 88 cent stamps for oversized mail. (That's what she said!!!) They were both listed right on the sign as the correct postage effective that day - Monday, May 11, 2009 - but the Post Office didn't have either in stock.

Wait, What? Seems to me that the USPS has known for months that rates were going up so they should have been able to print a buttload of stamps with higher denominations for delivery to USPS locations everywhere in early May. In fact, a quick Internet search found an online newspaper story from November 2008 telling the World that Postage rates were going up in 2009. The article didn't know the new rates at the time but it shows that the USPS has been planning to raise rates for a minimum of 6 full months before it happened. That seems like plenty of time to stop printing 42 cent stamps and start printing 44 centers.

What the Post Office had instead was the Forever Stamp. They cost me 44 cents a piece but no denomination is listed on the actual stamp. So in theory you could buy a few rolls of these stamps now and use them for the rest of your life. They never expire and they will always be accepted by the Post Office. In fact, if you were smart you could have stocked up on them last year when they first came out. They only cost 41 cents then.

The other thing I needed was stamps for oversized envelopes, they are priced differently at 88 cents for the first ounce. They didn't have those either, big surprise. I settled for some 87 cent stamps. I have tons of 1 cent stamps I can use to make up the difference, no big deal. The only stamp they had in stock that I actually needed were 17 cent stamps, used for additional ounces after the first ounce. They only had these because the price stayed the same. I am sure if it had changed I would have been out of luck there too.

If this is how the USPS always acts I am now amazed that anything I put in my mailbox ever gets delivered anywhere and I certainly have a bit of an understanding for why people go postal.

Mood: Uninspired.

It's Ironic:

That Patriots Day is not listed as a holiday on my 2009 Boston Red Sox Calendar.


Failed Advertising Slogan of the Day:

"Washington Post - If you don't get it, you're retarded."

Wasted Time

The bad thing about having 333 cable channels is that if you surf up and down them long enough you will probably find something to watch. If I had a mere 57 channels or some other paltry number I am sure that I would be much more intelligent than I am now because I would do so much more reading.

I really don't watch an overabundance of TV, a big reason why is that I don't have a TV in my bedroom. I physically have to get up, walk out to the living room to watch TV. It's probably a good 30 foot walk. Whew! I am tired just thinking about it.

That being said there are times when I inevitably lumber out, sit down in my favorite chair and fire up the remote. As I sit and surf the guide there are always a few ultra cheezy movies that whenever I see them I will instantly turn to them and be glued to the screen until they are over. Here's a sample:

Weekend At Bernie's - a movie you probably couldn't get away with making in 2009 - but back in 1989 we apparently weren't quite as cultured as we are now. Who knew you could have so much fun carting a dead guy around for a weekend? The saddest thing is they even made a Weekend at Bernie's 2.

Van Wilder - something about the slacker turned hero plot always sucks me in. Maybe it's the music, it has a very good soundtrack. It certainly isn't Tara Reid's plastic face. Write that down!

One Crazy Summer - an ultra cheezy 1986 flick with John Cusack, Demi Moore and the lovable Bobcat Goldthwaith. It always makes me want to vacation on Martha's Vineyard, not that I could afford to these days.

Hot Fuzz - I never cared much for Shaun of the Dead but I have probably watched this flick at least 20 times. Lots of action, good music and a ridiculous plot. It's a perfect movie for 1:00am.

Captain Ron - if you don't wanna watch a one eyed ship captain (Kurt Russell) drive Martin Short nearly crazy you must be retarded! I much prefer this over Pirates of the Caribbean.

Real Genius - another classic 80s flick featuring a young Val Kilmer as a brainiac, slacker college student turned hero. Plus it has ultra luscious 80s vixen Deborah Foreman - of Valley Girl fame.

I could keep going - Super Troopers, Loser, The New Guy - but I will stop here.


Mood: Wick-frig-some (Wicked Friggin' Awesome).


Failed Advertising Slogan of the Day:

"Heartburn? Kick it in the junk with Zantac."

2200 Miles

Whew, the pressure is off me. Someone else is already hiking the AT this year and even documenting it to boot. Check it out:

www.2200miles.com

Ironically, he started his journey the very same day I waxed philosophically about wanting to do the same.

Best of luck Chris!


Mood: Jealous!

It's Ironic:

That the rustiest old clunkers deliver your pizza to you in 30 minutes or less.

The Stinky Tree

Summer is by far my favorite season. I would take 12 months of July every year and only partly because my birthday is in July. But before it can be Summer it has to be Spring. Spring in NoVa is about a two month process from when the first few blades of grass turn green in early March to when the last tree leafs out in late April.

There are lots of obvious and no so obvious signs of spring each year in NoVa. Not too long after the first blades of new grass the prettiest little blue flowers pop up in lawns and parks everywhere. I don't know their name but they are one of the signs of spring it would be easy to overlook.



By mid March each year the Forsythia is starting to bloom and within a week or two the electric yellow blossoms dominate gardens and median strips alike all throughout the region. There is no denying that spring is on the way when you see it.

By the first week of April that familiar hum and the smell that goes with it are in the air as people begin their lawncare chores for the year. Actually, I believe that most lawncare is done by Landscaping Services in NoVa. It sometimes seems everywhere you look there is a latino with a bag of mulch and a leaf blower.

Trees of various shapes, sizes and colors begin to blossom the last few days of March or very early April. The most famous tree in our neck of the planet is the ornamental cherry tree. They are everywhere, not just around the tidal basin in DC.

For me the undeniable sign that spring is well on it's way and is an unstoppable force is the stinky tree. Each year NoVa is filled with a beautiful, blossom filled tree that makes you gag. From afar they are a sight to behold with their many branches reaching skyward covered in whitish-green blossoms.



I even dug out my Audubon Society's Eastern Forests book to see if I could figure out precisely what it is but had no luck. The leaves look exactly like the quaking aspen, the most widely distributed tree in North America, but I don't remember them smelling like this. Perhaps is is some other lesser known aspen or linden variety. Whatever it is, I always hold my breath as I walk underneath them.

Mood: Tired.

Song of the Day:

"Ooh, ooh that smell. Can't you smell that smell?

-That Smell

Lynyrd Skynyrd

Failed Advertising Slogan of the Day:

Forex: "A brand new way for you to lose money."

Five Million Steps

Every so often something happens that reignites a smoldering desire in me to hike the Appalachian Trail. Hiking was forced upon me at a very early age by my parents. Our vacation EVERY YEAR was to go to the wilds of the Maine Woods and spend a few days hiking in Baxter State Park. One of my earliest memories as a child is being carried in a backpack on my father's back as the family hiked the trails around South Branch Pond. I was too small to hike at this point, or I would have simply slowed the rest of the family down too much, so I got a free ride. To keep me entertained as they hiked they fed me Smarties candy, one at a time. The trick was I had to guess the color. My dad would ask me "what color is the sun" and I would shout out "yellow" and he would hand me a yellow Smartie. That kept me entertained for hours at age 3.

Fast forward to 1995 and a friend of mine from college decided to hike the AT upon college graduation. He was a big guy, probably 240 pounds when he hit the trail head at Springer Mountain, Georgia in June that year. Four months later some friends and I met him at the top of Maine's Mount Katahdin, we even lugged beer to the top of the mountain, and he was a svelte 180 pounds. At that point I thought to myself - if he can do it, I could do it.

A few years after that Bill Bryson pens his book "A Walk In The Woods" about his attempt to hike the AT and fans the embers. The book details his adventures on the trail. Bryson hikes 870 miles of the trail, less than half of the 2100+ miles it takes to complete the journey. I have read the book several times, even reading just a chapter of two makes the flames burn hotter.

Today I open up the Travel section of the Washington Post and I am sucked back in again. "Hit The Trail" is the name of the article and it is complete with a map of the route, food, gear and packing tips and more. The most important aspect of attempting an adventure like this is emotional competence. You have to believe that you can do it and you have to have the inner will to overcome the loneliness and obstacles you will encounter on the trail.

At this point the idea of actually hiking the whole AT is just a fantasy. Something I would consider if I become obscenely rich and had lots of free time on my hand. I do have a strong desire to do the Hundred Mile Wilderness but I would need to convince someone (Kevin???) to accompany me. The Hundred Mile Wilderness is the last 100 miles of the trail through the deepest woods of Maine. The intensity of the hiking and the days of solitude are said to be the biggest challenge of the entire 2,100 miles. I would like to hike it just to say that I have done it. Not too many others can make that claim.

Mood: Contemplative

Movie Quote of the Day:

"You're killing me Smalls!" - The Sandlot

World Baseball Classic

I enjoyed watching the 2009 edition of the World Baseball Classic. I don't remember watching any of the inaugural event in 2006. This time around I watched every game the US played and parts of several games involving some of the other 15 teams competing. Watching David Wright get a walk off hit in the 9th inning to beat Puerto Rico and send the US team into the semifinals was up there with any baseball moment I have ever seen.

Unfortunately, as a fan rooting for the US team it became very apparent, very early that they would not win the tourney. In fact, given there horrible starting pitching and terrible game management it was a miracle they got as far as they did. It appears that the US treated this tournament as more of an All Star Game while the two teams in the final - Korea and Japan - treated it more like the World Series. The attitude and results go hand in hand.

In an All Star Game the job of the manager is to get every player into the game somehow. That explains why US manager Davey Johnson pinch hit for Curtis Granderson with Evan Longoria in the 8th inning with his team down by two runs and a man on 3rd base in the 8th inning against Japan. There is no other logical explanation for the switch. He took out a left handed power hitter, who could hit with the wind, and put in a right handed power hitter, who had to hit into the wind. That move made no baseball sense, Johnson must have simply been trying to get Longoria an at bat in the series.

The US starting pitching was atrocious and clearly overmatched in nearly every game. Roy Oswalt, Jake Peavy, Ted Lily and Jeremy Guthrie combined to give up 25 runs in 26.3 innings of work. That is an ERA of a whopping 8.54 for our starting pitching. You aren't going to win too many games with those numbers. If the US ever wants to win this thing it has to get it's starting pitchers going a few weeks earlier so they aren't still in stretch out mode during the tourney. That would make a huge difference in their results.

Still, I enjoyed watching players from different clubs all on the same team with the red, white and blue USA logo on their chests. It was clear the players involved enjoyed their experience and gave all they had for their country. I rooted passionately for everyone on the US team during the games with one exception. I just couldn't bring myself to root for Derek Jeter. The Red Sox fan in me is stronger than the baseball fan in me.

Mood: Patriotic

Song of the Day:

"She wants her nails painted black, she wants the toy in the cracker jack, she wants to ride the bull at the rodeo."

-Feel That Fire

Dierks Bentley

Due Diligence

This post is mostly to myself to remind me (waves!) to not be such a dumbass and do a little more research before buying any individual stock.

I purchased 40 shares of Xyratex (Ticker XRTX) in my Roth IRA on September 3, 2008. It is a company that manufactures external disk drives, parts and components and the machines used in making those drives. Given the explosion of data available online ready for downloading and media being created and uploaded daily from people's digital cameras, iPods and other devices this certainly sounds like a growth industry.

The first thing I did wrong was I bought too many shares. My standard practice is to buy 25 shares of any company the first time out. Then if it drops in price, a minimum of 10%, preferably 20%, I do more research to determine if I should scoop up more shares at a lower cost basis. But I bought 40 shares instead of the normal 25 because I was being greedy.

The second thing I did wrong was to base my purchase decision purely on earnings estimates of the stock. Earnings estimates are helpful when researching a stock, but they are not concrete - they are ESTIMATES and they can change very rapidly. At the time XRTX was expected to earn $1.09 per share this year and $1.77 per share next year - solid earnings growth.

What I also should have done in September was go onto their company website and review their Annual Report for 2008. This would have given me more insight into their business. Where their revenue comes from, how much debt they have, future expansion plans, an overview of their industry and tons and tons of financial data for the past 3-5 years.

Alas, I didn't do that and bought the stock purely based on the earnings estimates for the two upcoming years. As we all know, the economy has tanked and now XRTX is estimated to LOSE $.25 this year and post a profit of.....wait for it.....$.01 next year. As a result the stock, which I bought at $13.85 per share, now trades at just North of $2.00 per share.

The 2009 Annual Report for Xyratex came today in the mail so I gave it a look while eating lunch. If I had bothered to look at the 2008 Report, which I could have accessed for free on the company's website, I never would have purchased the stock. It turns out XRTX got 70% of all its revenue for 2008 from only 3 customers. So if one of those cancels some orders, goes bankrupt or even merges with another company XRTX will probably be screwed. (Ironically, one of XRTX's major customers is another stock that I have owned in the past Western Digital [WDC].) Having a few customers account for the overwhelming majority of a company's revenue is a Major Red Flag with "Don't Buy Me!!!" printed in huge, bold letters on it.

Greed 1, Jon 0.

Mood: Inquisitive.

Movie Quote of the Day:

"Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive." - Van Wilder

Working For A Living

Today is kind of a special day. It marks my 10 year anniversary as an Ameriprise financial advisor. With the ongoing market turmoil my job has become more stressful than ever the past few months at the same time my income has been plummeting. In honor of my 10 years on the job here are a few careers that I could never stomach. Just something about them that rubs me the wrong way.

1) Water Boy - at pretty much every major sporting event there are people on the sidelines with water bottles at the ready to service the players as they come off the field, court, ice or what have you. A water boy (or girl I suppose) is responsible for squirting water or Gatorade or something (could be steroids for all we know) into the players' mouths when they come to the sidelines. They may also have the extra special task of wiping the sweat off the athletes. Nope, can't do it.

2) Realtor - this one may surprise you since a Realtor is a fairly nice, cushy professional job with solid earnings potential. Sell one $500,000 house in greater DC and your commission is $15,000. Certainly the housing slump has made this career a challenge but that is not the reason for my disdain of it. Realtors have to work Sundays and show houses. There is no way I could ever bring myself to have an open house on Super Bowl Sunday as I saw many Realtors doing just a few weeks ago.

3) Special Interest Lobbyist - Certainly DC is packed with associations for everything under the sun and they all have lobbyists. That is all well and good to a degree but it is not a career my conscious would allow me to pursue. Trying to persuade Congress that cigarette taxes should be lowered or that we should repeal the Clean Air Act is just not in my soul.

4) Commercial Actor - while I wouldn't be opposed to fame and money the path to reaching that nirvana does this career in for me. You have to start out at the bottom, in commercials. You have to feign excitement for a sale at Kia Motors or dance around like a spaz because you ate some Jello Pudding. No thanks. There are some really lousy commercials on the airwaves and I am very glad you will never see me in one.

5) Sweat Boy - This is perhaps the next step up from water boy in the NBA. At each end of the court there is a guy (never seen a girl) with a big mop and his job is to mop up the sweat the basketball players leave on the court. Once upon a time this was a very respected profession. Sweat boy would mop up the sweat after a collision or foul when players would end up on the floor. It was a valuable service and only performed when needed. That is not the case anymore. Sweat boys are whoring themselves out between every possession mopping up even the tiniest beads of perspiration on the court or perhaps mopping up nothing at all. Sweat boy, you have lost your soul for all eternity, pfffftttttt.

Someone told me they thought it would be fun to be a water boy because you could pretend that the players are your pets. You pat them on the head, squirt some water in their mouth and send them on their way. Unfortunately, that would only work until payday when you realize you get $8.50 per hour and they get $8.5 million per season.

Mood: Jovial

Song of the Day:

"I'm taking what their giving, cause I'm working for a living."

- Working For A Living

Huey Lewis and The News

A-Fraud

I love baseball. Anyone who knows me well knows that. Any other sporting event I watch is just a way to kill time because there is no baseball on. MLB Network has certainly helped out in that department.

The big scandal these days in the world of professional baseball is that Alex Rodriquez now admits that he took steroids. What a shocker this is, um, no not really. I am not here to droll on and on about that. There is more than enough of that going on elsewhere.

I don't like Alex Rodriquez as a player or as a person. He openly cheats on the field - see the ball slapping incident of the 2004 playoffs for proof - and off the field too - on his wife. Still, he is arguably the best offensive player in the world. He is a grown man who gets paid millions to play a child's game. He will make more money per at bat than the average American will make all year. And I actually feel bad for him today.

To me, the real controversy here is really the betrayal by the very organization that is supposed to protect players like him - the Major League Baseball Players Association - MLBPA for short. Back in 2003 when baseball finally decided to do something about steroids they tested all players on each team's 40 man roster for steroids and illegal substances. The point of the testing was to serve as a benchmark, to find out how bad it was out there. Were 15% of players doing roids? Or was it 3%? Or 48%? The testing was mandatory but anonymous. Everyone participated because there was no other option.

About 1200 players were tested (30 teams, 40 players per team) and 104 of them tested positive for steroids or illegal substances. Break that number into a percentage and you get 8.7% of players who tested positive. Just like the Mitchell Report, a serious number but not an eye popping outcome in my opinion.

However only 1 name of the 104 guilty parties has been leaked to the press. MLBPA failed Alex Rodriquez and every other player by not ensuring that these anonymous test results stayed anonymous. Their sole purpose as an organization is to protect the rights of MLB players and they have supremely failed.

MLBPA should have made absolutely sure all test results were destroyed years ago the second they were no longer needed by MLB. While I do not care for A-Rod as a person or player I certainly don't want to see his civil rights violated. Even he deserves to be treated better than this.

Mood: Shocked.

Movie Quote of the Day:

"Your middle name is Ralph, as in puke." - The Breakfast Club

It's Ironic:

Kinda funny that both my trail running cousin and I took pictures of our shadows yesterday while we were out on the trail. Mine was taken in VA with a temperature of 67 degrees while his was up in Maine at a slightly lower reading, lol.

I Hate January

Boy do I hate January, boy oh boy. Not because it's winter - although that is certainly a good enough reason - not because of the end of pro football, not because there are six more long months before my birthday. I hate January because of New Year's Resolutions.

I think that New Year's Resolutions, NYR from here on out, are a bunch of crap. It really all goes back to the general lack of personal responsibility that pervades the world these days. If you notice a flaw in yourself, you get to put off dealing with it for upwards of months at a time. I say why wait until some arbitrary day to remedy it. If you notice something out of whack or an area you could improve upon, fix it on the spot.

The most annoying NYR, or at least the one that affects me the most, is the whole "I'm gonna get in shape!" NYR. Face it, if you were a fat ass in November you are going to be a fat ass in March, now get the hell out of the gym. Stop wasting your time and everyone else's - especially mine - with that pathetic, feeble attempt to get some exercise in January. Just go to the store, buy a 12 pack of cupcakes, sit down on the couch and accept it - you have a big, fat, monkey butt!

Every January, gyms across the world are crammed with oodles of people who have turned over a new leaf to get in shape. They clog up the treadmills of the world, walking slower than they could on the sidewalk, watching Survivor and I hate them all. Here are some of the things I hate most about January at the gym.

Machine Hogs:

You know you have seen them, people who stay on the treadmill, cross trainer or bench press for what seems like hours at a time. These are usually the people who are doing the least amount of exercise in the whole gym. My favorites are the fatties who come to the gym to walk on the treadmill. Instead of driving to the gym to walk, why don't you just walk around your neighborhood, it's free!

TV Watchers:

You've seen them too. Staring intently at something mundane on TV. It might be American Idol or better yet the Food Channel. They are glued to the TV but hardly put any effort towards the exercise they are doing. God forbid they apply that much attention to getting in shape. I say if you want to watch American Idol so fuckin' bad, stay the fuck home.

Phone Whores:

OMG, it's not a baby, it's a phone. Leave the damn thing at home. I used to regularly see a girl at the gym who was always on her phone while on the treadmill. She would be talking nonstop to some poor fool on the other end. I always wanted to elbow her in the face and then step on her phone once it fell to the floor. Luckily I haven't seen her in months.

Tagalongs:

Why do some people who have a friend that is working out at the gym feel compelled to go with them? Is your friend retarded? Do you think that hanging out in the corner texting your mom is going to impress the ladies? Tonight I had to ask this guy who was just sitting on various machines to move 3 times so I could get all my sets in. If Timmy needs to bring you to the gym for moral support, he should just end his life once and for all and take you with him.

Mood: Cockfuckballs!

Song of the Day:

"And every penny from my last paycheck, I've blown it on you."

- Bouncing Off the Walls

Sugarcult

Coldest Day of the Year

Brrrr, it's cold out there today boys and girls. Doesn't matter if you are in Bangor, Maine or Atlanta, Georgia. Today was one of the coldest days in a long time over a wide swath of the country. Here in the NoVa (Northern Virginia) suburbs of Washington DC the high temperature was 17 degrees.

Now I know all you people out there with zip codes like 02492 and 04938 think I am a pansy for writing about a temperature of 17 degrees. That's balmy you say! But temperature is all relative to what you are used to. The normal high temperature here on January 16th is 41 degrees, so a high of 17 is pretty much unheard of. In fact, the last time we had a day this cold was February 4, 1996 - 13 years ago - when the mercury also topped out at 17 degrees.

I actually remember that day as a matter of fact. I had only been in DC for about 5 weeks and so 17 degrees didn't phase me a bit then. I actually went sightseeing downtown that day and walked all around the mall. Here's a pic in fact.



The ironic thing is that while much of the United States in in the deep freeze Alaska is having record high temperatures this week. Temperatures have been in the 40s and 50s in the heart of the Alaskan wilderness. Places like Denali National Park and Fairbanks, Alaska have set record high temperatures for the MONTH of January this week. All time records there have been shattered not by one or two degrees but by 10 to 15 degrees.

It's not unusual for it to get cold in DC, we have a few days every year where the temps don't get out of the 20s. The weird thing is we don't have any snow this time around. In fact, we haven't had any measureable snow all winter. We got a dusting one evening back in December but that is it. That simply means that we are due. Hopefully it won't all come at once, in March. That would totally suck.

Mood: Frostbitten

Song of the Day:

"We'll run away together. We'll spend some time forever. We'll never feel bad anymore."

- Island In The Sun

Weezer

Global Warming Stat of the Day:

There is enough water frozen in Antarctica to raise sea level by 160 feet. (Yowzah!!!)

It's Ironic:

That the only thing the 'prevent defense' used in football prevents is winning.

Twenty-Oh-Eight

This time of year you can't turn on the TV, read the paper or surf the net without running into "The Year in Review" over and over again. Those things seem to come earlier and earlier each year, just like Christmas decorations at the mall. The problem with airing your "Year in Review" show on December 10th is that there are still 21 more days for stuff to happen. Here are two examples of that:

Bernie Madoff - he was arrested on December 11th and charged with investment fraud. His hedge fund investors may have lost $50 Billion - that's Billion with a B. Family fortunes, entire life savings and charitable trusts gone forever in an instant. This is major, big time news and should definitely be in your Year in Review show, list, blog...

The Shoe Thrower - that guy in Iraq threw his shoes at President Bush on December 14th. In the grand scheme of 2008 this is a relatively lame event, but the entire incident is over in 10 seconds. Surely you could cut out 10 seconds of Paris Hilton or Kanye West to fit it in.

Here's my attempt at a review of 2008.

Favorite Memory: Bonfire in Maine

Friday, October 10th. A warm fall night with copious amounts of Miller High Life, smores and Red Sox Playoff baseball via radio in Freeport, ME. It was the perfect ending for my last night of the year in Maine.

Best Song: "Shattered (Turn the Car Around)" by O.A.R.

Best Play: The Catch, Superbowl XLII

Up until February 3, 2008 if you mentioned "The Catch" it was understood that you were talking about the throw from Joe Montana to Dwight Clark to win the 1982 NFC Championship Game against the Dallas Cowboys. Not anymore. Now you are talking about the ball Eli Manning flings in the direction of David Tyree. Tyree leaps into the air to grab the ball, takes a pounding hit from the Patriots' Rodney Harrison and comes down with the ball clutched between his hands and helmet. Thirty six seconds later the Giants score the winning touchdown to end the Patriots hope of a perfect season.

Best Movie: Ironman

Biggest Surprise: Stock Market Collapse.

With one day of trading left the S&P 500 Index, which represents the 500 largest public companies in the US, is down a mind boggling 39.3% for the year. This is the worst year for the S&P Index since 1931. We have had bear markets in the past, but none as severe and swift as what we have seen in 2008.

Underdog of the Year: Tampa Bay Rays

You might expect me to pick my NY Football Giants win in Superbowl 42 but you would be wrong. The Giants proved that they could play with the Patriots in the final game of the regular season on December 29, 2007. It's awfully hard to beat a good team twice in a season, so I don't consider their Superbowl win much of a surprise.

What was a surprise to me was the Tampa Bay Rays making it to the World Series in 2008. This is a team that had never had a winning season since they came into existence in 1994. In fact, they had never finished better than 21 games under .500 in a season. They had finished in last place in their division every year except 2005 when they finished in...next to last place. A worst to first story indeed.

Mood: Hopeful

Song of the Day:

"Banks back then was lendin' money, the banker was the farmer's friend."

- A Month of Sundays

Don Henley

No Soup For You!

I tend to eat a lot of soup in the winter when the weather is cold outside. Since graduating from Ramen Noodles in college to actual soup a few years ago my soup buying habits haven't changed much. I buy Progresso soup, cause it tastes so good. My standing favorites are Chicken Noodle and Chicken Rice but I have been known to buy Clam Chowder, Italian Wedding Soup and even Minestrone if the mood strikes.

There is a bit of a soup war going on right now between Campbell's and Progresso. They have been trading barbs in their TV ads about MSG. Your soups have MSG and ours don't, blah, blah, blah. I decided to try the Campbell's Select soups after seeing one of their ads saying their soup is MSG free, so the ads worked on me.

Soup was on sale at Giant (not my trailrunning cousin, the local grocery store I patronize) last week. In fact both brands were on sale, so I decided to have a little taste test to see which I preferred better. Progresso was 2 for $5 and the Campbell's Select was 2 for $4. 1 point for Campbell's! I bought cans of Chicken Noodle and Chicken Rice from both brands.

Upon closer inspection back at the ranch the Campbell's cans are taller but they are also skinnier. They hold 18.6 ounces of soup while the Progresso cans hold 19.0 ounces. 1 point for Progresso! Skimming over the ingridients did indeed show that both Progresso soups contained MSG and neither Campbell's soup contained it. 1 point for Campbell's!

Now the good stuff - the taste test. I started with the Campbell's Chicken Noodle. Poured it in a pot, threw in some minute rice and heated it up on the stove and waited for it to cool. The first taste was...hot! Got to let it cool some more. Once I could wolf it down I really wasn't that impressed with it. I thought it was too bland. It just didn't have the flavor the TV commericals promised. Next was the Progresso Chicken Noodle which I have been eating for years. No comparison here. Progresso wins hands down. It was much more flavorful and hearty. 1 point for Progresso!

A few days later I tried the Chicken Rice soups, starting with Progresso. Same routine - pour, rice, heat, wait. The Campbell's Chicken Rice was very close in taste to the Progresso Chicken Rice. The Progresso seemed to have more chicken in it, the Campbell's had more carrots. I would give Progresso the edge here but by the slimest of margins. 1 point for Progresso!

Final score: Progresso 3, Campbell's 2.

My conclusion is that you get what you pay for and MSG stands for "Makes Soup Good".

Mood: Satiated.

Cheezy Pick Up Line of the Day:

Are you from Mars? Cause your ass is out of this world!

Random Movie Quote:

"We just get Miami Wice on television. Miami Wice is number one new show!" - Eurotrip