The Puppy Who Lost His Way...

I have been quite troubled for some time of what has become of ESPN. You remember ESPN don't you? The original cable sports network, been on the air since 1979, has spun dozens of regional and national clones. Unfortunately ESPN is not what it used to be.

I think it all began a couple years ago when they aired that made for TV drama about the New York Yankees 1978 season. I forget the name of it and I don't feel like looking it up right now. Needless to say it has all been downhill since then.

Here is what is wrong with ESPN in my not so humble opinion.

1) Sportscenter:

What's not to love about a show full of the best plays of the day and highlights from all the days sporting events? Nothing of course, but that isn't what Sportscenter is anymore. Sportscenter is now four hours long and has amazingly little actual sports highlights. It instead has hours of endless commentary. Experts talk about and debate anything they can think of. Did Tiger Woods have a broken leg when he won his last major? Will swimming take off in America thanks to Michael Phelps? Will Barry Bonds urine smell like asparagus tomorrow? Needless to say I have stopped watching Sportscenter.

2) The Ticker:

The sports ticker in itself was a brilliant idea. Flash some scores across the screen at regular intervals to let folks know what other important sporting events are occurring or have occurred today then let them get back to the game at hand. Once again, the ticker ain't what it used to be. The sports ticker these days is a constant stream of information, some of it not even vaguely related to actual sporting events. Things like "Pacman Jones wants to be referred to as Adam Jones" and "Brett Farve and his wife have boarded a plane for Wisconsin" now regularly scroll across the screen taking valuable space away from the sporting event you actually tuned in to watch. Every now and then a sports score or two will slide across the screen too. I bow to the TV and scream "I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy!" when that happens.

3) Non-Sports Content:

As mentioned above, the 78 Yankees drama was the first real crazy thing I remember seeing on ESPN. It was on in prime time and I think it was over the summer and fall months - prime sports time. It seems to me that it would have been pretty easy to pick up a few extra actual sporting events and air them instead. Extra MLB baseball games, preseason NFL football or college football. Perhaps even go so far as to introduce America to a new sport or venue - minor league baseball, major league lacrosse, ultramarathoning. Non-sports content seems to be a regular theme on ESPN these days. My least favorite is when they show the National Spelling Bee. I know that those little dorks need exposure but for gawd's sake put it on ESPNU.

4) Schizophrenia:

The final thing that drives me bonkers is when they interrupt a show with another show. This happens a lot on those four hour Sportscenters. Sportscenter is going along and poof all the sudden you are right back into PTI. Hello - didn't those blowhards already have 30 freakin' minutes to spew their goo? Remember the night they interrupted Sunday Night Baseball two or three times to show Brett Farve's fucking plane? What the fuck was that all about? (OK, take deep breaths...Sorry, I'm all better now.) Please pick a topic/event/show and stick with it fellas. If something important happens put it in the (constant) ticker or on ESPNNEWS. Better yet, have the ticker direct people to ESPNNEWS for more coverage of breaking events. I understand breaking into a show for a moment of history - Jon Lester's no hitter for instance - but don't interrupt a live baseball game to show Brett Farve's plane taking off in the dark.

Wow, I'm so worked up I can't even think of a clever ending. The title of this post - The Puppy Who Lost His Way - is from Billy Madison with Adam Sandler in case you were wondering.

Mood: Unimpressed

Random Movie Quote:

"Professional what?" - Ferris Buehler's Day Off