Conscience

Occasionally I wonder if I do in fact have a conscience. That little part of the brain that is supposed to tell you what is right and wrong, sometimes I wonder if mine still works. I have no problem telling a little white lie to get out of a sticky situation, spare a loved one's feelings or impress someone I hardly know. Yeah, I was an extra in The Man Without A Face. Well, actually my buddy Aaron couldn't get the day off from work that day, so I was ALMOST an extra in The Man Without a Face - minor detail. Then inevitably something will happen to reassure me that I indeed do have a working conscience.

I have been religiously walking every day to get some sort of regular exercise. Actually, I enjoy it - I don't enjoy running, but walking I like. I walk through my little corner of the world, which is basically suburbia. I do walk past one little stream and from time to time I encounter some kind of woodland creature on my walk. It is small and brown and furry but I can never get close enough to really tell if it is a groundhog or beaver or what. I have seen as many as two or three of these little guys out and about, so there must be a whole clan of them.

Well, today I was walking along and I saw one of my little buddies lying in the road. Dammit - he had been hit by a car. And even though I had nothing to do with it I just felt so bad that it happened. That was some other groundhog's brother or mother or husband or friend. An innocent life cut short simply because some human in a car was in a hurry. It just didn't seem right. The other groundhogs don't know what happened, they just know that daddy or mommy didn't come home from THEIR walk today.

Friend Whores

My boy Jazz has been writing all these blog entries about friendship - friggin' right, doggie! - and it got me thinking a little about how I manage my friendster account. I only have 7 friendster friends and one of them isn't even a person, it's a bar. Does that make me an alcoholic? No, that makes me a drunk - no meetings!

From time to time as I surf friendster I run across people who have like 681 friends on there, but that is a bogus number. 681 friends - come on, that person is a friend whore. They just add anyone and everyone as a friend. I am very happy that I am not a friend whore. You gotta be pretty tight with me to make it on my friend list on ye ole friendster site. It all goes back to that inner circle thing that Jazzy explained. If you are not in the "Circle of trust", you just don't rate as a friendster friend for me.

New Miserable Experience

Well, something happened to me today - technically it was yesterday as I am writing this at 3:15am - that had never happened to me in my 32 1/3 years on the planet. I was driving home on I66 this afternoon about 1:00pm and suddenly traffic slowed to a crawl - as it often does on I66. Then I hear the sirens and see the flashing blues and reds - there is a car accident up ahead, big surprise. Now 4 lanes of traffic have to squeeze down into one lane - good times!

So I am crawling along and everyone is merging and finally I am almost past the accident when suddenly a big old fire truck drives up and blocks all lanes of the highway. I am now the second car in line. I am thinking - no big deal, they are just turning it around so they can get closer to the accident. Nope, they park it and walk away and then I hear it. The unmistakable thumping of a helicopter closing in. Can this be? Oh shit, it is! It's a life flight and it is going to land on the highway.

I can honestly say that I have never before had to wait for a life flight to land on the highway I was driving on. I have seen them on occasion from the other side of the jersey barrier, but this bad boy was coming right to me. So they land and the EMS and paramedics do their thing and get someone, maybe more than one person - I really couldn't see - on the stretcher and onto the chopper and off it flies - 42 minutes later.

Hopefully, they got to the hospital in time to save a life. Certainly I was inconvenienced today, but it really was no big deal in the grand scheme of things. Still, I think to myself if I was 2 cars ahead of where I was, I would have been 40 minutes ahead the rest of the day. Life is a game of inches, for sure.

Well, once they gave us the thumbs up to be on our way we had an open highway. I was the second car in line, so I only had to pass one person and I had nothing but 4 lanes of white lines in front of me. When am I gonna get another chance like this, I thought to myself. An open highway, every police officer within 10 miles was behind me at the accident site - so I put the hammer down. I got the ghetto cruiser up to 103 mph! My exit was the first after the accident or maybe I could have gotten up a little more speed or maybe my car would have exploded. We will never know, I figure that was a once in a lifetime run. Seacrest out!

Reality TV

I have never been a fan of reality TV, which has made watching network TV rather difficult over the past several years. I am not going to watch people eat bugs or sing off key or make over their homes while their spouse is away. You couldn't PAY me to watch that crap.

But I have become a fan of the CelebReality TV on VH1. It all started last spring when the Surreal Life had Peter Brady - aka Chris Knight - on it. I have been into anything Brady since I was in junior high school. I even have a picture of me and Greg Brady - aka Barry Williams - on my mantle. One of my ex-es is in the pic too, but that doesn't make it any less cool.

So, Peter Brady got me hooked on the Surreal Life, my first venture into the world of reality TV. Then I started watching Hogan Knows Best, since it was on right after The Surreal Life. Now this fall there is My Fair Brady - with Peter, I mean Chris Knight, and his 22 year old model girlfriend, Adrianne Curry. He hasn't been on TV in like 20 years and he is still getting high quality tail - nice! Just marry her dudeman!

That show is followed directly Breaking Bonaduce. Have you seen this show? That guy needs some help, he is one messed up dude. That show is a total train wreck, but I can't turn it off. Actually, I did turn it off once, but I ended up turning it back on after like three minutes, cause I had to see what happened. The good news is, I haven't started tivoing the shows, at least not yet.

Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!!!

Airplay

Just got back from another road trip, this time to New England for a business vacation - oxymoron or what! Picked a great week to be in the North Country, it was sunny and warm pretty much all week. Went to the beach, slept in my favorite hammock, picked a bushel of apples - that's a lot of friggin' apples - hung with the family, ate some lobster and Red Sox ice cream - no, not at the same time.

I have noticed that whenever I take a road trip there is always one song that I hear over and over and over and over while I am on the road. This trip it was that new song by Nickelback. I don't know the name of it, but you couldn't go five miles without hearing it on the radio. OK, I looked it up, it's called "Photograph" and it was definitely the song that dominated my travels over the past 8 or 9 days.

I remember in the spring of 2002 when I couldn't get away from Sheryl Crow's "Soak Up The Sun" on a trip to New York and December 2000 when Lifehouse's "Hanging By A Moment" dominated my trip North for the holidays.

As much as I am not a Nickelback fan I must admit that Photograph is now well entrenched in my brain and I will probably link it with this trip for years to come. There seem to be a lot of songs with this theme - reminiscing about the past - on the airwaves these days. It is super hip to remember how cool we all were in the 80s - wahooo!

Movie Line of the Day:

"Are you telling me you built a time machine.....out of a DeLorean?" - Back to the Future

Big Papi = MVP

There is no doubt in my mind that David Ortiz - Big Papi to his 10 million close friends in the Red Sox Nation - is the MVP of the American League this season. His numbers are wicked strong and the time is right for a DH to be MVP.

The thing that impresses me most about Big Papi's year is that of his 47 homeruns, 20 have given the Sox the lead or tied a game. That is huge, that is EXACTLY what it means to be the most valuable player. Another impressive stat is that David has 18 homeruns and 50 RBI in the 7th inning or later - that is what clutch hitting is all about people! Alex who?

Mary Kay Reps

Have you ever noticed that all Mary Kay sales reps are heinous trolls? I am not picking on Mary Kay associates per say, really all those independent, direct sales, beauty consultants seem to be cut from the same mold. Why would anyone take make-up advice from someone who resembles Mimi Bobek? I don't get it. Short, stalky women with bad hair, loud clothes and clown colored make-up would not be the first place I would turn for beauty advice. In fact, that would be the last place I would want to go. Unless of course I WANTED to look like a clown, that's a different story.

Walking the Dog

I am definitely too lazy to ever own a dog, or perhaps dogs are just too high maintenance for me. Either way, I do not see a day when I will own a dog. It is funny to me because supposedly people are the master and the dog is the subordinate but I see it as the other way around.

I live smack dab in the middle of suburbia, it is townhouses and condos as far as the eye can see out my window. So when I see folks walking their dog I just have to chuckle. It takes a lot of commitment to own a dog in the city or in the burbs, I will give people some credit for that.

I was out for a jog last night and saw a prime example. A gal was out with her dog, suddenly the dog stops to smell a bush and she had to stop and stand there until he was satisfied with the whole situation. Then he takes off running and she had to run just to keep up. Then he stops again and the "master" has to stand there and wait while the "subordinate" waters the street light.

The best part is when Mr. Dog decides it is time to "drop off the kids." Not only do they have to stand there and wait, but then they have to pick it up. You tell me who is the boss in that relationship? If you stand around while I poop and then you pick it up afterwards, there is no doubt in my mind, you are my bitch.

The Uncloudy Day

Went for a mid afternoon jog yesterday - yes, the beauty of being self employed is I can do stuff like that - and it was one of those rare days where there literally was not a cloud in the sky. It was mid afternoon, sunny and warm, probably close to 90 degrees - kinda warm for the end of September around here. No complaints from me - it felt like the middle of summer, it was great! I am definitely a summer person.

Music

Finally, we have had some decent rock n roll songs to listen to on the radio the last couple months, it has been a while. It seemed like it was all post grunge music there for the longest time. You couldn't make out the lyrics for all the guitar, drums and bass going on - please don't make me listen to another Creed, 3 Doors Down, Lifehouse or Nickelback song! I found myself gravitating towards Country music simply because I could make out the lyrics to the songs.

Thank you for The Click Five, Hot Hot Heat, Keane, Fall Out Boy, Yellowcard and Howie Day. I gotta plug my Maine-Man-Howie, it's about time he's gotten some actual airplay. Give em' hell, Howie!

Bow Ties

Why do people insist on wearing bow ties? They look so completely stupid. I can not take anyone who is wearing a bow tie seriously. Whatever they are saying, it seems that usually they are discussing politics, I can't hear what they say. They could be talking about Armageddon or giving me tomorrow's winning lottery numbers but I would simply dismiss what they say as bunk. It doesn't really matter what they are talking about, I always end up thinking one thing to myself: "This guy is never gonna get laid!"

Don't these people have mirrors? Or if they are on TV, like the guy I saw on MSNBC tonight wearing one, don't they have people to dress them? I'm not exactly Mr. GQ, but I do know one thing - anyone who wears a bow tie looks like a doofus. Now a Hawaiian shirt on the other hand, that is super cool!

I'm In Love

You heard me correct, I am in love - let me shout it from the rooftops! Her name is Lindsay Czarniak and she has no idea who I am. Lin, as I like to call her, does the sports report on NBC4 Washington, my local NBC affiliate. Anyway, she is smoking hot - money, money, playboy bunny - and she is so enthusiastic when she is reading the teleprompter. She can make the Nationals losing another game a wonderful thing! I think this girl actually enjoys her job, a rare treat in this day and age. Did I mention she is a smoking hottie, she could be telling me about women's ping pong and I would be glued to the screen. Lindsay, you had me from hello!

Summer 2005

Well, unfortunately summer 2005 is winding down, only a week or so until Labor Day, the unofficial end of summer. The weather will still be pretty sweet here in DC for another month or so, but mentally it just isn't the same after Labor Day. It has been a great summer, I've done a lot of fun things, gone a lot of neat places and hung out with a lot of cool people.

Back in April I was hoping we would have good weather this summer and we have indeed - am I a master prognosticator or what! Last summer it seemed like it rained every freakin' weekend, but this summer has been totally different. It has been hot, but not too hot. I tend to like the heat anyway. I will take 96 sunny and humid over 27 with snow and wind any old day. Now if we could just make it so we don't have any snow this winter, that would be money! Come on Global Warming, do your thing!!!

Movie Line of the Day:

"The prognosticator of prognosticators" - Groundhog Day.

E-Harmony?

Have you seen those E-Harmony ads with the white haired, old man talking about the 29 dimensions of personality or love or something like that. Every time I see that I think two things too myself. 1) Who would take love advice from this creepy old guy, he has pedophile written all over him, and 2) Who has 29 elements to their personality? I think I have like 4 dimensions, maybe only 3. I can see someone having like 10 or 12 dimensions, but 29 - come on now, give me a break!


Movie Line of the Day:

"I know everyone always says sense of humor, but I really have to go with breast size" - So I Married An Axe Murderer.

Back to School

Well, it's August 5th and the back to school ads are in full swing. I am soooooo glad that I do not have to go back to school. I always dreaded when the calendar turned to August growing up, because I knew my summer was winding down. I still feel the same way today, even though school is no longer involved. We are over the hump now and there are only so many more days to soak up the rays - I gotta make them count!!!

I will say the Office Max back to school ad with the "Rubber Band Man" song is pretty damn catchy though. It woud be a blast riding around town on the back of a shopping cart handing out pencils and notebooks to all the kiddies. The best part would be seeing the dejected looks on their faces when they realize it's time to hits the books again. Yeah, I am a dick, I know.